Written by Dick Sheerer

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

image for The Case Against Sports- Part 10: Fishing Bass Hole

Fishing

Fishermen are people who want to call themselves Sportsmen but lack the necessary athletic ability to participant in other sports. Fish are a captive prey trapped in a body of water with nowhere else to go, and are easy targets for even the most inept human predator. Fishermen are also known as anglers because they always have an angle, and never a straightforward approach to the sport. The angles are displayed as the different types of fishing techniques that are used, such as Trolling, Spin Casting, and Fly-fishing.

Each method employs deceptive tactics, the key characteristic of the sport. Even the simplest form of fishing that involves a worm on a hook is very deceitful because the angler wants the fish to think that it's just a natural worm, with no hook. The fish soon learns that it was just a cruel hoax. Spin casting uses an object for bait that usually looks like a small wounded minnow with hooks attached. The game fish mistakenly think that the artificial baby in distress is an easy meal, only to be tricked again by the villains on shore.

Fly-fishing takes the sport to a whole new level with the refined sophistication of a fine art. In some strange sort of perverted ritual anglers wear giant condom-like hip boots and perform a bungling ballet while they wade through the water. They use their fishing rod like a whip to cast the line toward the fishing hole. The bait at the end of the line is a realistic looking fake fly with a hook. Each one of these imitation flies is a sheer work of art hand made by dishonest scoundrels who are master craftsmen. These creative geniuses have a diabolical knack for fraud and pretense, which is aptly applied to the sport of Fly-fishing. The products of their devious deeds are the avid angler's wicked weapons of woe.

Fishing is considered a rather passive sport practiced by meek geeks and limp wimps. Some overzealous fishermen try to show their machismo by taking the sport to the extreme with Deep Sea Fishing. It stretches the envelope and exceeds the sanity of any angler who dares to indulge. Deep sea fishermen are a motley crew with a rod in one hand and a beer in the other, like pirates in search of seafood treasures. Motivated by hate and driven with a sadistic obsession to abduct, abuse, and annihilate innocent aquatic animals.

Unlike freshwater fishermen these anglers take the rage they have for humans out on deep sea fish, which are about the same size as humans. So after a long week fighting rush hour traffic, taking stress from the boss, and arguing with the wife; on weekends the deep sea fisherman gets revenge when he hooks a 700 lb. Marlin. Pretending it's the boss-or whomever he hates the most that week-the angry angler feels the satisfaction of jerking it around, letting it suffer in futile fight while reeling it in.

The anxious angler hoists the slimy scaled beast onto the boat as it flips and flaps, swinging and flinging its needle sharp fins deep into his skin. The bleeding beer drinker is suddenly reminded of his wife who he suspects is having sex with his boss at this very moment. Infuriated beyond senselessness he wrestles with his hallucinated wife beating her with his beer bottle until she finally dies. The fisherman now has the trophy wife he always wanted.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Sport
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