Written by Martin Jaeger

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

The Green Cathedral,
Harrisburg, Kansas
The Honorable Crowley Smitherson, asst. Minister

From the Pulpit,

Dear Friends,

We've all had to enter the new modern age and leave behind some cherished ideas. One is prayer. We aren't giving up on prayer yet. But, in the interim, we are standardizing the prayers we use. We have decided to eliminate all prayers in favor of one brief, standardized, model prayer for all occasions.

It has blanks for you to fill in and a copy will be furnished to you as you leave. It goes like this.

"Almighty___________. I ask that you bless____________________. Also, if you can see your way to__________________ and/or_________________, I will be your disciple forever. If you can pull off a miracle or two, I would appreciate it; TV is so boring.

As you can also see, we don't have young people attending any more, and we need to get them into the ministry. So, it will no longer be required that the parishioner come to church. We are going to provide you with a cardboard image of a church which you can fold, put in your wallet, and take it out any time you feel the need to pray.

We are working on a miniature organ which we hope to have ready by next year. We think we can do it with a 3-D printer, but haven't ironed out the kinks yet. So hang in there.

May the faith be with you.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: church, Prayer
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