Written by cindy lalonde

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

I just paid attention to an often aired commercial about Lyrica, discretely mentioning a bunch of horrible side affects, one being skin sores.

I had a vision of these sores appearing on a users face and the poor person chasing after people yelling, Stop, I don't have leprosy! I'm just taking a drug for diabetic pain!

I swear the drug commercials have some powerful subliminal mind control going on.

Imagine.

You're sixty. Still looking handsome.

But your once throbbing love hammer is now just hanging there.

So you pay attention to the commercial about daily Viagra.

You watch the commercial featuring beautiful older people giving each other that sexually suggestive look. Beautiful scenery and music.

Then you hear the side effects.

-Possible loss of vision.

You have a quick flashback of your mother catches you doing the 'M' thing and telling you you'll go blind.

-Loss of hearing.

-4 hour erection.

Finally! Something good!

-Possible stroke.

You suddenly see yourself.

You're in a wheel chair with those black blind glasses on, and a thick blanket on your lap making a tent from the four hour erection that won't go away unless the doctors cut off your weiner. The grandchildren are playing around you in your wheelchair, going, what's wrong with Grandpa, and why can't we sit on his lap? You don't care because you can't see or hear them, although you ARE pissed off because they had to tie your hands to the wheelchair because all you want to do is play with your giant erection.

What else is there to do?

Your old lady now sleeps in another locked room, because she can hardly walk.

You jerk out of your reverie.

Come on, a lot of the guys at work use it and they're fine.

Time to check with your Doctor.

You tell him what's going on and he tries not to smile since he gets a kickback from the drug company.

You express concern as to the side effects.

The doctor reassures you, has to leave for a second and has you watch the commercial again. Only this time it features a hot looking Scandinavian chick giving the, 'it could be you look.'

You think of the smug looks on the guys face at work, you think of your half mast flag, and that hot woman at work that might be available if your wife isn't up to it.

The doctor returns with the prescription.

He wouldn't give you something that would harm you, right?

The Physician's Vow - Do No Harm.

They should just get real and put funeral homes next to the hospital.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Topics: Drugs, Health



Go to top
58 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more