Forgive your humble servant's familiarity. . . But I think we must move quickly if we are to pull off the international coup of the millennium. I know we come from two different worlds, but, I hope you soul belongs more to mummy than your stuffed-shirted daddy. I, ET McCrone has risen up from the gutters of Liverpool and guided lifts and elevators in England and the colonies, NYC and Tucson, AZ to be precise. Perhaps you've heard of my campaign for PrezMinister and my noble efforts to reunite the colonizers with the colonies.
Since I read about the unfortunate demise of your very promising romance to Ms Middleton, I could not resist offering my hand in Matrimony to your royal highness. I understand that Miss Kate had real trouble with the press. I, on the other hand, want all the publicity I can get. As ChickenHawk Bush taunted the enemy to kill Allied Soldiers I too scream: 'Bring it on! '.
Your military career seems to be another cause of the almost royal breakup. Here I must admit that like Katie I too am tempted to bar the door to soldier boys. But since your military career has never brought you farther west than Wales and to no more eastern point than Dover, I think I can endure the separation.
Please on your next leave, Sweet William, speed to my side and let us make beautiful bagpipe sounds together!
Yours in Political Advantage,