Written by Auntie Jean

Monday, 27 April 2015

image for Auntie Jean Advises Tara McClosoff From The Isle Of Wight On Showing Off Her Pubic Hairs My husband displaying his pubic hair collection as a living collage

Tara:
Auntie Jean, On the T.V. programmes; "Hotel Inspector" and "How Clean is Your House", I have often seen the presenters, AIexi Poliizei and Aggie McKensit remove feral pubic hairs from beds, showers and baths etc. with tweezers and put them into plastic bags. The sound on my T.V. does not work, so I have long presumed that presenters such as AIexi Poliizei are collectors of pubic hairs. Co-incidentally I am an avid collector of feral pubic hairs and often try to stalk celebrities to catch them going to the lavatory and I frequently stay in the same hotels as famous people, wherever possible immediately following their checking out with my own stay. I have two questions that you may be able to help me with. Firstly, how can I most effectively display my collection, and secondly is there a name for people like me?

Auntie Jean:
Tara, You must get the sound fixed on your T.V. to avoid becoming more of a fucking pervert than you already are. I doubt if the aforementioned presenters are building up collections of stray pubic hairs! But if you have built up such a collection, it is probably best to ask your boss if you have one, or perhaps your mother if not, whether they would like you to assemble a framed collage of your work, perhaps in a glazed picture frame from which the picture has been removed. Your boss or mother will no doubt tell you what you can do with it. You could display the hairs by superglueing them to your back, like my husband does (see picture).

Incidentally, free meals and takeaways can often be had by sprinkling a few pubes over fast food burgers in say, Mac Doughnut's restaurants. A good tip is to put strands of clear silicone sealer on the burgers quietly as this looks like sperm. If you react indignantly and scream loudly, your meal will invariably be free. You could even advertise your surplus items on EBaye.

The name for a person like you is a hirsugenitalist.

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