Written by Backandtotheleft

Saturday, 25 April 2015

image for The Election Part Two "Flying metal sharks for all!" was not one of the Lib Dems promises

Part two of our look at the candidates in the upcoming election has us conducting a interview round the back of the houses of Parliament. Inside a large bin where the Lib Dems have their campaign headquarters and we were ushered inside by a blind man being led by another blind man.

Nick Clegg was seated on stool made of the last elections manifesto, it looked hollow. He seemed pleased to see us, we got the impression that no-one had paid any attention to him for a long time.

Nick, it's good of you to take this opportunity to maybe set some things straight.

Your right, of course you are, it's great that you're right. That's the best thing about voters, their so right.

OK. Your party's major selling point seems to be the fact you're willing to do a deal with any other party to stay in power.

Yes. I like to think of the Liberal Democrats as the lube in the sexy orgy of politics.

That is one of the most disturbing images we've ever had implanted in our mind. And we once watched Simon Cowell eat a baby.

Ah yes pop culture reference. I like that. I'm in touch with the people. Not as in touch as Lord Janner but still quite touchy.

That's fantastic. So you'd make a deal with the Conservatives again?

Of course. Dave's a nice guy, the Tories are a good group, good spirit, good ideas, good fans. I just like to think we can push on in what are exciting times for the party.

What about the Labour Party?

That Ed's a top top man Top drawer and the Labour party are a good group of lads, good ideas, good sprit, great fans and their looking to push on in what are exciting times.

And UKIP?

Nige, Nige, Nige great guy. Top party, great bunch of lads, solid team sprit cracking fans. This is a party that's really pushing on in these exciting times.

What policies would you enact if you were in power?

Oh no you don't! You're not getting me with that one! Last time I told people what I planned to do then didn't go through with them. They called me a liar! Do you know how much that hurt?

Probably not as much as the collective crushing of thousands of first time voters who voted for you because we actually thought you were different. And definitely not as much as the massive rod that-

And we were escorted from the room.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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