OK Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) fans all over the planet here's our daily round up of news shocking the planet in short! (This lot makes Russell Howard look like Andy Pandy!)
A sick twat in Florida who had sex with a dolphin, yes a dolphin, claims the female dolphin 'wooed' him and he just could not resist! CIA judge, Peregrin Jaws-Greatwhite, has sentenced the pervert to swim between a school of starving, female Great Whites; see how he feels about it when they start 'wooing' him!"
98 imprisoned youths made a bolt for it in India by removing the bars from their windows and climbing down the wall with knotted bed sheets. Nobody noticed a thing because the youth detention prison is home to over 30000 inmates! A prison officer said, "oh dear gracious me thank heavens for that, less mouths to feed, sure!"
A Sicko UK father separated from his child because he was not a worthy father broke into his ex-wives house and nicked the boys Christmas presents including a Play Station. He was caught red-handed and rather embarrassed attempting to flog the booty to one of his son's mates! Ooops!"
Global warming is causing havoc in the US and UK! Freezing temperatures, mega snow falls, ice and polar bears are causing havoc because everybody believed those idiot scientists who predicted Alaska would look like the Sahara Desert in 10 years! A Chicago resident, dressed in Bermuda shorts and T-shirt preparing for an outdoor bar-b-q caught in a 10 foot snowdrift was found rather blue with his nuts frozen (Should have tried frying his sausage first!)."
And that is it for today apart from our deepest heart felt condolences to the parents of Japanese journalist Kenji Goto (RIP) and his colleague who he attempted to save from the barbaric hands of those bestial bunch of terrorists maniacs called ISIS!
We the CIA condemn everything they have done and will do and hope for their total eradication from the face of this planet!!!
(Sorry about that serious note to finish our satirical journey)
BTW, you perverted Dolphin shagger, a personal message from us all here at the CIA; leave our friends the wonderful dolphins alone; you have been warned!!