Written by dave nelson

Friday, 30 January 2015

image for The All-New "Shop Only - Shop Til You Drop" Credit Card

Want to get that "shopper's high" without actually spending a dime? Need that special rush of Dopamine surging into your brain as you mainstream consumer consumption? Feel that special rush as the retailer swipes and bags your 'Junk" like a heroin addict in a shooting gallery?

Well - with the new "Shop Till You Drop" card you just pay a small fee to get an enormous credit limit and you can spend your credit on absolutely anything, anywhere. The only catch being you don't get to take any of your purchases home.

Ten thousand dollars worth of "buy only" credits cost as little as just fifty bucks. And you high roller's can get up to one-hundred thousand dollars in credits for a paltry three hundred bucks.

So shop away! You check out the goods just like you were actually buying them, the clerk says thank you and while you leave without the merchandise, you leave aglow with that "special shoppers high" that really has nothing to do with needing or even wanting most of "the stuff" anyway.

For a small extra fee, the clerk will provide you with an assortment of boxes with the details of what you "shopped" so you can arrive at home and go over all your "shopped only purchases" with your family and friends - getting yet another " consumption fix" - for free - when you open them.

And -- you can give these "Shopped Only" gifts for any and all occasions - "Oh look what the Pipick's "Shopped" us for our housewarming." As your friend unwraps and reads the gift description - "A beautiful Tiffany bowl".

And the whole nature of consumerism will change - and life as we know it - and the social and political and economic and cultural impact will be staggering!

Remember - it's "The thought that counts" - so get your Shop Till You Drop" card -- get high - and change the world! -- For just peanuts!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Shopping
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