Written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 19 January 2015

image for British Gas Price War Our defence lawyer Jose.

Like most of your houses the Back and to the Left offices are freezing cold. With no windows and gas prices higher than our defence lawyer on day two of our fraud trial, it's a recipe for disaster or hypothermia whichever one claims us first.

But help is on the way after British Gas said they would be cutting their prices by 5% and it is hoped that the other companies will follow suit. We spoke to Gerry Gas CEO of British Gas to get a insider's perspective on the price cut.

"Well we thought of our customers all huddled together in a single bed, praying to see out the night and welcome the sun back. We thought long and hard about the old people we were allowing to die in icy tombs because they couldn't put their fires on. We thought about them all while we sipped our celebratory cocktails in Malibu."

And.....

"We decided that because we cant charge dead bodies anything (yet) we had better come up with a method of keeping people alive. So we reduced gas prices. The average household bill will now rise to-"

We cut him off

"Rise? We thought you said you'd reduced the prices?"

"We have. The gas prices have been reduced by 5% but all the other charges have gone up! Up! Up! Even this conversation has cost you £20!"

A burly minder tore the shirt from our backs and handed it to the CEO. He sniffed it deeply inhaling the aroma of the poor.

"It sustains me"

We left with the thought bouncing round our heads......"How did we get into Malibu with no passports"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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