Written by Ray Bellew

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

At this year's Paris Underwear Festival, I caught up with Baxter Brief Ceo Barry Boxer. "Barry," I said, I would like to congratulate you and the whole gang at Baxter Brief for taking the tags out of your underwear."

"Thanks, it was a massive undertaking."

"Why do you think getting rid of underwear tags is so darn important?"

"Underwear tags lead to butt burn, and butt burn is the leading cause of blister ass. So, as a humaitarian gesture, I vowed to make the world a better place to live by geting rid of butt burn once and for all."

"Barry, how long did it take you to get the tags out of your underwear?"

"Sixteen years."

"What was the big roadblock?"

"The damn traditionalists. They based their opposition on a statement made by Baxter Brief founder Benjamin Bartholomew Baxter.

Back in 1923, after being asked by a New York Herald reporter if he planned to put tags in his underwear, Benjamin replied with an enthusiastic "Hell, yes! Why wouldn't I? I mean, where but in a pair underwear would I put an underwear label. It's the only viable option."

"Apparently, you somehow overcame the traditionalists."

"Yes, but it took almost forever. We tried everything to get the traditionalists on board. We held pep rallies with cheerleaders

leading cheers about getting rid of underwear tags. I think one of the cheers went like this: 'We hate underwear tags, yes we do. We hate underwear tags, how about you!' We offered grief counseling to all those traditionalists who burst into tears at the mere mention of eliminating underwear tags. We brought in a world renowned hypnotist to try and put the traditionalists in a happy trance. Vice President Joe Biden gave an impassioned four hour speech before the United State Congress about the importance of getting rid underwear tags as a way to stamp out the scurge of butt burn. We even brought in professional wrestlers threatening to body slam any traditionalist who wouldn't go along. But, at the end of the day, guess what?"

"Tags in your underwear?"

"Yup, tags in our underwear."

"So, how did you finally solve the problem?"

"I got the idea from my wife. She told me to stop making tags."

"Nice."

"Yeah, you can't put tags in underwear if you don't have any."

" Barry, thanks for the interview."

"No problem And, thanks to Baxter Brief, you no longer have to worry about butt burn."

"Actually, I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. Butt burn has never been a problem for me."

"Me neither."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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