This countries a mess. There we said it. But it's not our opinion, but the opinion of the man on the street. The white van mad man, the market trader and the pub landlord all agree. But why is it a mess and what are the solutions, we don't know, shit we cant remember where we let the dog off it's lead last. That dam terrier could be anywhere.
Anyway we grabbed a bunch of people off the street (two brickies called Bob and Rob) and asked them for their solutions to a few problems we thought of on the spot.
What would you do about the rise of violent crime?
Bob: Crime? Dead easy to solve crime. Simply bring back hanging and national service. That'll show em.
Rob: I agree hanging is the only option. And if national service was brought back people wouldn't have time to commit crimes. They'd be too busy serving this great nation.
There seems to be a lot of people committing benefit fraud these days....
Bob: Bring back national service, it's the only way to get these scroungers out the job centre and where they should be. The front lines, never did anyone any harm a bit of national service.
Rob: He's right. National service is the only way. That or bring back hanging like we had the fifties, no benefit fraud then.
The public seem to be getting more and more upset about being part of Europe. Why do you thing this is?
Bob: No national pride. Back in the day everyone had national pride in this country, they don't call it "Great" Britain for nothing. And do you know why they had pride?
Bob: Because of national service-
Rob: And the threat of hanging
Bob: Country's gone soft.
So you believe that we, as a country have lost our way because....we no longer force every young person into a military conflict?
Bob: That's right.
Rob: And hanging. The country wasn't lost when we could hang people willy nilly.
Ok what about immigration?
Bob: What about it?
Illegal immigration, what can we do about that?
Bob: Bring back national service, stick em in the armed forces and if they don't like it bring back hanging.
Rob: I agree.
That seems to be your answer to everything-
Bob: What's wrong with that? Make em fight or hang em. It's simple ethics.
And with that we left the building site on which we had been conducting our interview and wondered if the people had spoken? Were they right? Should bringing back national service and hanging be the answer to all our problems? As we thoughtfully ate a ham sandwich (it was nice) we decided they probably weren't.
This piece of satire was brought to you by The Suns letters page on which every contributor believes everything can be solved by hanging or national service.