Written by rfreed

Friday, 31 October 2014

image for An Annoying Update On Annoying Updates

Traveling on the road can be stressful. Sometimes too stressful. One doesn't need non-road situations to make them more stressful. Someone should mention this to Bill Gates.

I am presently doing a road trip with limited amount of time to check out property. This is in a remote part of the country that consists of a lot of trees and hills and not much else. The towns that are here are Boonievilles, this term not intended as a an insult; they are really cool towns in their unique ways, but 'Boonievilles' correctly gives the burgs the proper description as being considerably less sophisticated economically, materially and in terms of modernity.

That means that finding Internet sites is not easy. Not everywhere is well hooked up to the Web. Some places less so.

Unfortunately the rest of the world is hooked up like full-crazed junkies ever seeking a new high. Realtors can be included in that category.

Add to this stress cocktail the fact that this time of year adds more stress to the land seeking individual. It is dark here in the northern lands until 7:30 in the morning and the sun is done disappeared at 6 PM. That doesn't leave much time for daylight house seeking.

Add to this getting 39 updates on your Windows computer at 6:30 in the morning when you are trying to get the day's lineup in order. 39 all at one time. Excuse me a minute: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY THE HELL IS WINDOWS SENDING ME 39 FUGGIN' UPDATES ALL AT ONE TIME?????

CAN'T IT BE PORTIONED OUT IN 2 UPDATES TIDBITS INSTEAD OF GETTING A BIBLICAL FLOOD OF THEM ALL AT ONCE????????????

Now, I know I don't use my little travel laptop all that often, but I had been using it for a week already with only one semi-small update a couple days before. BUT EVEN SATAN HIMSELF WOULD NOT DUMP 39 &%^$# UPDATES ON ME ALL AT ONCE!!!!!!!!!!

I was using a McDonald's (which I do not normally eat at) but, being on the road, I find them useful when waiting for the sun to rise and to use their WiFi for finding property. I do not like, however having to wait for 2 HOURS for 39 FURSHLUGGINER UPDATES TO CYCLE THROUGH!!!!! Especially with only 9 ½ quasi daylight hours to slog through in conjunction with rain, cloudiness and cold. Not to mention not knowing the terrain here where people have been known to drive off into the back-roads and have the skeletal remains of not just themselves but their cars as well not be found until a decade later.

39 updates. Criminy! If I remember right Jehovah only visited 12 plagues on the Pharaoh.

Of course waiting in the Mickey D's for so long a time allowed me to meet the local folks, who, surprising for a McDonald's were not rabid Republicans but were actually conjoling them (and not lynching me). I also got to down an inordinate amount of mocha's which really rips a caffeine lightweight like me and they had to pull me off the ceiling eventually which brought down a couple tiles as well. The mochas also helped to make me well acquainted with their men's toilet.

So it was with me this morning. I valiantly managed to murk my way through it and still get out to explore some property. No thanks to Bill Gates who I know set this form of torture up just to torment peons like me.

Bill, I hope your mansions crumble and the bricks get sold on E-Bay for pennies.

IN ADDITION: I have just been informed by the Research Bureau of the Guinness Book Of World Records that I just missed the record of most Windows updates ever by two points which is held by Melvin Schlumfner of Wichita Falls, Kansas. I just can't win!!!!!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Bill Gates, wifi
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