Written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 30 October 2014

image for At the Kobani border with Erdogan and Clarence Willnotlie standing by Kobani real estate tours available soon

So! Back then I went out the comfort room window of that club in Mosul, moving on, as we like to say, and I thank all of you who tweeted me at that time on what to do!

Of course I ended up where the action is across from Kobani, then was snatched by the Turks into Erdogan's tent.

Yes, in case you're still wondering, this is Pepe Warezabar aka "Clarence Willnotlie."

I know, I know. I have a lot of explaining to do. Why? Well, I thought, you know, this might not do my career any harm, to be put out there as competition for John Cantlie over what was happening in Kobani.

So, on to my "report" with several practice sessions first, overseen by Erdogan himself. He kept checking on me as I stood outside his tent delivering it.

You see--okay let me get into this. One night--and they made it clear I should not leave, so I was a "hostage" of some sort, sleeping at the back of Erdogan's tent--John Kerry and Barack dropped by and the arguing went on all night. I couldn't sleep.

Here's the deal. Erdo is very upset with the Kurds establishing more and more independent territory along the Turkish border, and says they are "terrorists" so no way Jose will he help them fight ISIS.

But John and Barack, you know, they say we're lookin' bad here, not coming to the aid of a besieged people about to be gobbled up by ISIS, and we have to do something.

So John came back to me in the back of the tent and said, "Look, you've got to help us and be our hostage reporter giving an answer."

Right then I suggested why not give ISIS some land somewhere in Syria and Iraq, where they could do their thing as long as they stayed inside it, confined? Like a reservation or something?

Kerry looked interested but Barack hummed and hawwed quite a bit, while Erdogan said, Okay, but not in Turkey, nowhere in Turkey, and by the way we need to turn these Peshmerga around right away so they don't get too comfortable here helping the Syrian Kurds get more territory along the border.

They wrangled on and on until I put in I thought Hillary would be more decisive in this matter. Right away that cleared it up as a good idea.

Besides, if they could just get ISIS to stop obsessing over Kobani and move on to Damascus, plus back off ideas about taking over The Green Zone, hell, that would move things right along, wouldn't it?

So, okay, I'll have to think about all this more and whether it should go into my memoirs. Maybe not.

But hey! I'm thinking Kobani is a nice little town, and real estate values are bound to go up from here. You think? I could settle here.

Anyway that video I made as Clarence Willnotlie is what's happening, and next time I will not wear that phony beard. No. No way.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Topics: isis, Syria, Turkey
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story



Go to top
39 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more