Written by Auntie Matter

Saturday, 6 September 2014

image for Ten Signs to tell you may be "Over the Hill" On the Shelf.

(1) You pick up speed. You find yourself singing "Where have all the flowers gone?" at taxi ramps. Or, "When I was twenty-one it was a very good year...." . People hide their children and move away from you because they think you have Ebola.

(2) Girls don't find you attractive any more. They call you "an interesting man" but only to strangers who wonder how you can walk unaided, the way an astronomer calls an imploded Dwarf "an interesting star".

(3) You know Frank Sinatra was a scoundrel, but you forgive him.

(4) You plan to give up golf and take up Buddhism.

(5) You plan to give up Buddhism and take up golf.

(6) You pity the young.

(7) The young pity you.

(8) You no longer think death is something that happens to other people. In fact, you are pretty sure now after much study and contemplation that it happens to everybody.

(9) You look back at your political idealism and scoff at your idiocy because you now know the Masonic Tools of Satan who run this world made damn sure BEFORE you were born that NOBODY would ever get to change it... except them.

(10) You pray not for deliverance or Divine mercy but that you die as far away as humanly possible from the drug-ridden experimental internment camp they call a "hospital". And that you die with dignity and fast... preferably shot to death by a jealous husband on your ninetieth.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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