Written by Auntie Jean

Saturday, 30 August 2014

image for 10 Ways To Fool Your Neighbours Cultured

1)Spray a place mat with matt black paint - abracadabra!! - its an expensive Ipad to walk out of your door with.

2)Make the people next door think you are having a glamorous "Hog Roast" garden party by getting a large road kill fox and roasting it over 4 portable barbecues.

3)Make people think you have a posh car by offering Porsche owners free parking in your drive while they go to work on the train.

4)Wear ear plugs while playing radio 3 loudly, making them think you listen to elitist rubbish all the time.

5)Dress up in a smart uniform when you go to the bin - they will think you have a butler.

6)Stick children's gold stars on your front teeth to make them look like expensive dental work.

7)Use an earphone in the T.V. when you watch East Enders and Corrie so that they don't think you are uncultured.

8)Carry a Cello case everywhere to put your shopping in.

9)Keep Waitrose "bag for life" carriers in the house for when you shop at Lidl

10)Call your dog Bach or Tolstoy to make the neighbours think you have more education than common sense. (Bach is particularly good for this purpose).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Go to top
67 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more