Written by Auntie Matter

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

image for Prince Charles Declares His Innocence The Sport of Kings... and Scoundrels

"The Queen's 2013 Ascot Gold Cup heroine Estimate has tested positive for the banned substance morphine, Buckingham Palace has announced." (News broadcast July/22/2014).

An Interview with Prince Charles, courtesy of the popular investigative magazine "Nabbed".

Prince Charles seated in the Windsor reading room beneath a large painting of an Arabian horse by Freemason George Stubbs seemed quite at ease as he was asked about the recent scandal concerning his mum's horse Estimate:

Said he:
"The rumours going 'round that my dad recently returned from hospital, was the supplier of the substance morphine is, in the words of our esteemed lawyers Schillings, "unsubstantiated, unfounded and untrue" and any such statement will be met with the full might of our Royal Arch Masonic Chapter... er.. I mean, the High Court of England. Estimate is a fine, honest mare of great pedigree, almost a friend of the family. Just to sit on her, however briefly, gives one an exquisite thrill. Indeed, we had her to dinner with the Corgis just last night. Wonderful guest, great sense of dignity and presence as well she should; a real credit to her imperious bloodline; and, I have to say, I could see no evidence of opiates in her eyes whatever, or in her periodic, high-pitched laughter. To suggest that she would willingly comply to being doped, as they say, is a terrible slight against her character and an insult to her pedigree. My sister The Princess Royal who identifies with her closely, even though only one of them has ever had any dental work, has told me in confidence, that this is typical of the upward surge in anti-feminism in our society. And I have no doubt that she is quite correct. Lastly, there is no substance to the deplorable rumour that my sons Andrew and William had, what the populist press has referred to, as a "packet" on the outcome of the race. Their visit to the stable the night before the race was merely to encourage Estimate to give of her best the following day. I can assure you they have not "gone over to the dark side" as their unfortunate mother once most ungraciously opined. Any allegations to the contrary are unsubstantiated, unfounded and untrue. I trust this settles the matter once and for all. May I suggest Masonic Lure in the second at Newmarket on Saturday for a small wager? He is a cousin of Estimate's ... on her mother's side. And drug free, last I heard."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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