Written by Hector Vogliotti

Sunday, 27 April 2014

Entertainment Today is pleased to announce a new program called dress your best, which was installed with the intention to teach people who are ill aware of modern fashion the correct way to dress. My name is Steve Webermanjensen, and I will guide you through the program.

We must first introduce ourselves to this course with your own personal fashion coach, Michael Styles. Mr. Styles is a renowned designer with endless credentials. From graduating with honors from Mesa Community College to having articles on the importance of fashion awareness published in magazines such as Baby Boomers and Sports Illustrated, Styles has done it all. Styles is a supervisor for multiple AA meetings and teaches Fashion 101 at his alma matter.

After his studies, Styles went on to receive his Masters degree in Viticulture and Enology from the University of Southern Waco, a prestigious online university. He has spent time teaching the art of fashion in many institutions such as the Scottsdale Readers Club and his neighborhood Home Owners Association meetings. He is also accredited with holding many discussions with TV hosts as well as of his family members on the subject.

He has also received degrees from many other places, such as one in Eugenics from Devry University, a major in degree administration as well as another well earned degree in people management he received from his studies at his local Culinary Institute.

Style's first book, Pick Your Thread Counts Correctly, deals with society's inability to choose clothing based on high thread counts, which is creating major debates in the fashion industry over whether or not these so-called "artists and movie stars" have any sense of fashion. Styles pointed out in his book, "Everyone knows that low thread counts are for old people and those who have totally given up on fashion, duh". Given that Styles possesses extensive knowledge on the subject, he has already influenced many to change their ways and purchase nicer fabric.

Furthermore, Styles passionately argues in his third and fourth books, Suit Up and Whats Up With All These Mandals People? that everyday, society is beginning to care less about the quality of brands they wear and would rather buy cheaper alternatives. "Can you believe this? Someone's gotta do something about this", said Styles in an interview with David, a 5th grade elementary school student in Rochester, New York.

His most recent magazine article, Care More About What You Wear, has received many shares and retweets from celebrities who are known for their clothing expertise such as Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj and Marylin Manson. At one point, his article was almost trending on twitter. What an honor!

Styles is accredited with being one of the first individuals to push legislation to completely ban cargo shorts and striped cat sweatshirts from every clothing line. His persistent work to ban these articles of clothing has earned him the prestigious golden suit, a fashion award equivalent of what a noble prize would be to a scientist, or an Oscar to Leonardo Dicaprio. Not only does this prize set him apart in the industry of clothing, but it also awards him with a major prize of 500 dollars. Styles would put the money to good use and finance his dream campaign to force kids in elementary schools to wear shirts that actually fit them.

With a new online publisher, bowtiesRus.com, Styles was given very negative feedback and tough criticism for his work on his book Don't Be Hatin' Cause You Don't Got Style Like Me. Public opinion soon changed though when pop icon Kanye West was spotted enjoying the book. Don't Be Hatin' Cause You Don't Got Style Like Me is now the number one seller at the Barnes and Noble on Shea road and the 101.

Styles currently resides in his 2 bedroom apartment with his three cats and pet raccoon, living the life in southern Tennessee.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Fashion

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