Written by CaptainSausage

Not yet published

image for 50 things you must do in Britain before you die This list goes on the list of worst lists ever.

Travel agency GetMeTheF***OutOfHere has compiled a list of the fifty things that every British person should do before he or she dies. The list is intended to increase tourism to the UK as well as boosting some of our best known exports.

It includes many experiences which British people will commonly do at some time in their life. Foreigners and tourists may wonder about some of the items, but perhaps by doing everything on the list they might gain a better understanding of the peculiarly unique British psyche.

Here is the list in full:

- Dine out at a Little Chef.
- Visit Dorking.
- Take a dump off the White Cliffs of Dover.
- Eat horse.
- Drink a bottle of WD40.
- Join the audience for a recording of the Jeremy Kyle Show.
- Insult a national of every other European country.
- Read the Sunday Sport, including the words.
- Eat a packet of pork scratchings.
- Get drunk and pass out in the street.
- Send a photo of yourself or your wife into Reader's Wives.
- Drink a gallon of water from the Thames river.
- Urinate in the Thames river.
- Claim benefits.
- See Christopher Biggins live in pantomime.
- Mention the war.
- Reuse a teabag.
- Accuse a celebrity of sexual deviancy.
- Kill a badger.
- Insult an American tourist without him realising he has been insulted.
- Go to Madame Tussauds and touch Kylie's bum.
- Eat a tinned curry.
- Shake the Queen's gloved hand with your own faeces-stained paw.
- Become obese.
- Stand in a queue which is so long that you can't see what you are queueing for.
- Complain.
- Watch Middlesborough FC play at their home ground.
- Visit France.
- Get rained on.
- Knock one out over Rachel Riley on Countdown.
- Dress in drag.
- Get beaten up for imitating a regional accent.
- Get beaten up for imitating the wrong regional accent.
- Attend a UKIP rally.
- Go on holiday abroad to a location which contains only British bars and restaurants.
- Sell a property for less than you bought it for.
- Get banned from a gentleman's club for excessive drunkenness.
- Go to Speaker's Corner and offend everyone you see.
- Be declared bankrupt.
- Eat swan.
- Smoke an entire packet of cigarettes in one go.
- Go to Wales and see how crap it is.
- Buy a Shakin' Stevens record.
- Learn to count to 50.
- Emigrate.

« Return to your writers' desk

Go to top
96 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more