During our dinner date, I took what I thought
was my heart medication. Within 30 minutes
I realized I had committed a colossal boner.
I think the saddest thing about a guy
falling asleep at the wheel and dying
is that in all likelihood, the last thing
on earth he heard was Yanni on the radio.
I'd never make it on one of those
Survivor shows. Every time I think
about eating something like caterpillars,
I start to get butterflies in my stomach.
Okay, am I the only one who can see more than
one meaning for the phrase "It's time to get in
touch with ourselves"? Apparently I am, at least
at the group session of Masturbators Anonymous.
I felt kinda crappy about winning that
craps game. How was I supposed to
know the guy's kid needed new shoes?