Written by Wumf

Saturday, 22 February 2014

image for Editors' Guide to American Economics Modern wampum

To help the American citizen understand what has happened in these difficult economic times, we have assembled some useful definitions:

Paper money: so utterly worthless we should be using shells and beads.

U.S. Debt: the trillions of paper dollars already printed would be like the stars in the Andromeda Galaxy to the order of 10.

Economist: person tasked with making up theories that sound important.

E.B.T. Card: given out because ghetto people can't qualify for real credit cards.

Credit Card: plastic game tokens that are distributed for couples to hide from each other.

Bank: place to keep your "er, um, money" so that it absolutely, positively will be there when you need it.

IRA: Irretrievable Resource Account

Employment: The Bachman Turner Overdrive summed it up this way, "I love to work at nothing all day."

Unemployment: When people take early retirement.

Federal Reserve Board: A special tribe on their own reservation.

National Current Account Deficit: You can only understand this if you are autistic.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Economy
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