Written by John Andreini

Monday, 19 March 2007

A handy field guide for voters

Say: "The American press has a liberal bias."
Mean: "The media disagrees with my world view."

Say: "Support the troops."
Mean: "Shut up about the Iraq war already."

Say: "I don't agree with the way Ann Coulter says it, but I think she's fundamentally correct."
Mean: "You go, girl."

Say: "Affirmative action is reverse discrimination."
Mean: "I don't like black people."

Say: "Eliminating the estate tax is essential."
Mean: "If we don't keep our major contributors happy, there won't be a Republican party."

Say: "We need to take a tougher stand on immigration."
Mean: "I don't like brown-skinned people."

Say: "If we don't fight the terrorists over there, we'll have to fight them here."
Mean: "If terrorists ever get this far, it would force those of us in power to actually sacrifice something, like our children, and that is unacceptable.

Say: "Democrats don't understand the average, hard-working American."
Mean: "Democrats don't understand how to manipulate the average, hard-working American."

Say: "Everything changed after 9/11."
Mean: "The Constitution? What Constitution?"

Say: "Flag burning should be a federal crime."
Mean: "Don't look behind the curtain. Look over here. Hey, over here."

Say: "We must stay the course."
Mean: "We don't know what the hell we're doing, but we're not going to do anything Democrats suggest."

Say: "The Republican party is a big tent where everyone is welcome."
Mean: "Join us on the Dark Side."

Say: "We must finish the job in Iraq."
Mean: "We haven't completely secured the oil fields."

Say: "Liberal elitists."
Mean: "College educated people."

Say: "Back to basics."
Mean: "Indoctrination."

Say: "Prayer in school."
Mean: "Christian schools."

Say: "God Bless America."
Mean: "God Bless MY America."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Topics: Republicans
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Go to top
60 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more