Written by janet eve josselyn

Friday, 2 August 2013

image for Make Your Own Spanking Paddle, by Martha Stewart alternative use of spanking paddle

"Spanking paddles never go out of style," the lifestyle guru/author/media mogul/caterer/felon Martha Stewart stated during a recent appearance on the set of Bravo's Watch What Happens Live. "Handy, useful and easy to store under the bed, the spanking paddle is so easy to make that even children can make one!" Martha enthused as she lined up the materials needed for the demonstration.

"I prefer to use sustainable materials and organic, chemical-free polyurethane, but you can use whatever you want. You can even just use a board and not put a decorative finish on it. Or you can use a tire iron."

Martha explained that her favorite part of the project was the bejeweling of the spanking paddle. "I like to use these little rhinestones, affixed with my glue-gun, but you can decorate any way you like. You can paste onto the paddle pictures of the fannies you would like to paddle, or the faces of the people whose fannies you would like to paddle, or just pictures of your boss."

"Just be creative," she cajoled. "And don't forget, when you are tired of using the paddle as a spanker, it makes a handy serving tray for afternoon tea, if you haven't bejeweled it, that is!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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