In a compromise this past week between GOP and Democrat Senators the border patrol budget has been increased by approximately one billion percent. According to the office of Budget and Management this will translate into a tax burden of over one million dollars for every man, woman and child in America.
"Finally, we have a bi-partisan agreement on something," said Majority Leader Harry Reid. "It's a small price to pay."
A reporter called out to Reid, "But Senator, this bil will bankrupt every person in America! What do you say to that?"
Reid: "Not exactly everybody," said Reid. "Members of the Congress are exempt from this tax."
"WHY?," asked the journalist.
Reid: "Because we did all the work on it. Next question."
Reporter: "Senator, our calculations indicate that if an agent is placed every six inches across the entire seven hundred mile border, you will need 10,560 agents per mile and a total of 7,392,000 to cover the entire border! The cost will be in the hundreds of billions of dollars, the agents will have to stand sideways all along the border with their arms around the person in front of them!
Won't this lead to a myriad of problems other than just financial ones? Isn't this just a bit much just to catch a few wet-backs?"
Reid: "Not really. We thought of that and that is why we have included twenty billion dollars in the program for rape and marriage counseling plus ten billion dollars for Pray Away the Gay counseling."
A reporter from the NYT stood up and shouted angrily, "For God's sake, why the gay counseling?"
Reid held up his hands and said, "CALM DOWN! It is only for those that will need it," he paused, "you know, just to get them over the hump."