Written by armfeetandtoe

Saturday, 29 September 2012

"I cleaned out the loft this morning with the wife. Dirty, dusty, full of cobwebs, but she's good to the kids"

Tommy Cooper (1921-1984)

"I saw six men punching and kicking my mother in law, my neighbour said "Aren't you going to help"? No I said, six should be enough".

Les Dawson (1931-1993)

"I have the body of an eighteen year old; I keep it in the freezer".

Spike Milligan (1918-2002)

"Two old maids on a beach, a streaker runs past, one had a stroke the other one could not reach".

Bernard Manning (1930-2007)

"You hear about the Yorkshire man who came to London and couldn't get some Yorkshire pudding.
He went home and battered himself to death.

Max Miller (1894-1963)

"The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on.
Inspector Jones had a tip off this morning but, but hopes to be back on duty next week".

Ronnie Barker (1929-2005)

"Just because nobody complains, it doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect".

Benny Hill (1925-1992)

"The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer".

Victor Borge (1909-2000)

"I went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed!
Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!"

Richard Pryor (1940-2005)

"A fella walks into a pet shop and says; "Give me a wasp".
The pet shop owner replies; "We don't sell wasps".
"There's one in the window".

Frank Carson (1926-2012)

Please feel free to add or amend this page.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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