Written by George Fripley

Friday, 21 September 2012

As there appear to ber elections in the wind all over the world, in particualr the good 'ol USA, I thought I'd pass on some useful information on election jargon.

Frank de Nighle III, a little known but well respected commentator on electioneering, has provided the following advice on election jargon. Frank advises that you should look out from some key words and phrases when other politicians make election speeches and be aware of what they really mean. You don't want to miss vital signals from your party's elite. He specifically singled out eight phrases:

Moving forward - of course this phrase can be used with impunity as it has a progressive feel to it. What the politician fails to mention is that they are moving forward in a gentle arc that will eventually bring them back to where they started.

Real action - as opposed to what - unreal action? This is a play on words, what it should read is Reel Action - as in reeling in the public with so much spin that everybody gets dizzy.

We will set up a task force / peoples committee / working group/ people's forum - we have no idea what to do about the problem, we're just pointing out the mess that the health system/education system/ transport network/ defence policy (just fill in as appropriate) is in and the inability of our opponents to solve it, but we hope like hell that somebody somewhere can solve it for us if we are lucky enough to get elected.

I am committed to - my advisors tell me that I should be concerned about this problem and I am happy to get up and commit to anything that will help me get over the line in the election. But what I am most committed to is convincing all the voters that I am committed to solving their problems.

Yes we can - uses the 'royal' we and actually means 'somebody in my government better be listening to this speech and have a solution because I'm clutching at straws here.'

We can't go on like this - we have been in opposition so long that we are just short of throwing a major tantrum…it's not fair and it's our turn to govern. Waaahhhhhh!

It's the economy stupid - the economy is all I know about and I haven't got any decent policies relating to anything else.

I am glad you asked that question - I haven't got a clue and I need some time to gather my thoughts and put together a response that sounds vaguely plausible - and who let this troublemaker into the room. Security, throw them out.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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