A scientist presented Back and to the Left news with a startling ultimatum today. He said:
"Exotic pets should be banned because they are contributing to the rise in exotic diseases in our country."
He was wearing glasses so we knew instantly he was serious. He took them off and cleaned them with his faded "Skid Row" shirt. We sat in silence for a good twenty minute before we remembered this was an interview. We probed:
"So Mr. Scientist, why this wild accusation? Back and to the Left news own several exotic pets and neither of us have ever caught Typhoid."
He nodded, sagely.
"You see it's not the smaller pets that are the problem. It's the bigger ones that pose the greatest threat. Last week a flat in Lower Greenwich was raided and the police were shocked to discover the owner had crammed five giraffes into cages in his kitchen. Not only were these animals in extremely poor health but they carried a array of diseases including Ebola and AIDS."
Back and to the Left were curious as to how a giraffe had contracted AIDS but didn't ask out of fear for the answer we may receive. Mr. Scientist stood up ready to leave and looked us dead in the eye and said:
"Do you know how many people died after contracting Malaria from their pet Bald Eagle?"
"No." We answered a slight quiver in our voice.
"Neither do I. I was just curious if anyone else did."
And with that he was gone and we were alone (so alone). So there you have it readers; exotic pets have a definite link to the new wave of horrible diseases that are sweeping the country. So if any member of your family are harbouring one of these animals ring the police.
As a side note we have also discovered that STI's are on the rise among people who watch the TV abortion that is "Geordie Shore". Another link? We'll let you decide.