Written by Exislanda

Sunday, 5 February 2012

image for News release from Tic Rodd, Governor of the Turks and Caicos Islands An artists impression of Emerald Cay at full sail though the English Channel

Waterloo, Grand Turk:

Many of you have noticed the flotila of tugs that have anchored in TCI waters during the last week. I can now reveal what will soon be happening.

HM Government has decided to tow the Turks and Caicos Islands across the Atlantic and relocate them in the Thames estuary. Do not despair, Belongers, for this is a measure in your own interest. Think of the advantages you will have be your new proximity to the United Kingdom.

  • Unemployment benefit is more
  • Health care is free
  • roads are better
  • electricity is cheaper
  • you will have direct access to your government

Many Belongers say they have never seen snow or even felt cold - now will be your chance.

You will have much better television and not have to put up with trash produced in the US.

And they play proper football in England!

For the United Kingdom's part there are advantages too.

  • Tourism to the UK for those seeking the sun and beautiful beaches will increase
  • another world class hospital will be available to the National Health Service
  • HM Government does not have to resolve the tricky issue of self government

It is a Win Win scenario!

and you will get used to it.

Any questions?

The Weekly Sun - "Is there any truth in the suggestion that the Puppetmaster, Our Lord Cashcroft is the Architect of this plan in order to settle his debts to HM Revenue and Customs?"

No Comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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