Mitt Romney: Hi Ron, well it's been quite a week huh? With Jon Huntsman and Rick Perry dropping out that now leaves only four of us in the GOP presidential race.
Ron Paul: Yes it does Mitt old boy. But I really have a feeling that old slick Rick Santorum will be dropping out pretty soon.
Mitt Romney: What makes you say that?
Ron Paul: It's just a bit of old codger intuition that I have. You know once a man gets to be 76, he just develops a kind of sixth sense about things. I knew that old Herman "PizzaGate" Cain would be dropping out and I also knew that Michele "Hair Spray" Bachmann would be dropping out as well. Now I will admit I figured that my fellow Texan, Rick "Electric Chair" Perry would have hung around a little bit longer just to kick your Yankee ass some more but I guess he had to get on back to Texas to tend to his longhorn cattle herd.
Mitt Romney: Ronnie, Perry never kicked my ass. I think you have me confused with Newt Gingrich.
Ron Paul: No Mitt. It was you, the one with the fake looking hair, the slow talking Mormon accent, and that little tinge of flip-flopping arrogance that coats your voice like sugar covering a Frosted Flake.
Mitt Romney: Ron you sir are nothing but an agitator, an instigator, an inciter, and a soap box rabble rouser and it is gonna be a pleasure for me to drop kick your museum butt all the way back to your backyard in Lake Jackson, Texas.
Ron Paul: A soap box rabble rouser? Are you saying I'm short or what? Never you mind mannequin face, you don't scare me you anorexic-looking Massachusetts pretty boy. And let me tell you that after Rick Santorum turns tail and runs I'm gonna do my best to see to it that you follow him right on outta the race.
Rick Santorum: Hey you white-haired old-timer. Isn't it time for your afternoon nap? - and your dose of Geritol and Metamucil, and that daily application of Preparation H?
Ron Paul: Shut the eff up "Slick" Rick, you milk cow molesting farm boy.
President Obama: Afternoon y'all. That's right. That's right. Y'all GOPers just keep on afussin' and afightin' amongst yourselves and get yourselves all plum tuckered out and shit. Cause then I'll just waltz on in like the fine-looking half-white prince I am and I'll kick y'alls behinds from D.C. to Nairobi, Kenya - ahhh let's make that Nicholasville, Kentucky.