Written by Inchcock

Saturday, 7 January 2012


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for A True Diary of Woe - Part Thirty-Eight If I'd worn these my knuckles would have been less painful!

A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947

Chapter 71 Redundancies suffered

Where from: HM Forces, R.A.M.C.
Why: Newly diagnosed medical condition. (Duodenal ulcers)

Where from: Private Store Manager
Why: Owner sold business

Where from: Carters Drinks
Why: Massive cutbacks to enable selling of business to Hero Group.

Where from: Textile Company
Why: Lost orders from Turkey

Where from: Security Company - Officer then Controller
Why: Cutbacks to stay competitive, through no fault of my own.

Chapter 72 - My first proper playground fight

After a playground altercation over his stealing my conker, the scene was set - Ray vs me, back field after school!

The supporters gathered on the field before I arrived. I could see Ray from a distance, as he was very tall. I wish now I had kept me distance then, but silly old pride you know?

As I say, he was a big lad, and me being the smallest in the school, must have created a special interest to the blood thirsty lads, because so many turned up to watch.

I removed my glasses, throwing Ray a threatening stare (He laughed). The staring before deciding who was to land the first blow ended when I threw a right jab into his chest. His lumbering reply of a right hook missed me by miles - 'I might in with a chance here I thought'

I'd landed at least eight of my best punches (the only thing I hurt was my knuckles), before his first one that landed put me in the bushes!

As the blood dribbled down onto my chest, and I stood up pretending it didn't hurt me a bit, the spectators cheered!

I was dancing around him, throwing and landing jabs, hooks, and uppercuts on him... then his second punch that landed... well I saw it coming but that's all I can remember, until I came around with Ray asking if I was alright.

Chapter 73 - My Senior Moments this week W/E 7 January 2011

Sunday 1.1.12:
* Opened and poured a tin of Vegetable Curry over slice of apple pie.
Monday 2.1.12:
* No Senior Moments noticed (then again if I am having a senior moment, it is not always noticeable until any results or outcomes come to light as a result of my senior moment)
Tuesday 3.1.12:
* Walked to town, and got on wrong bus back, then walked back home. (Thank God for the free bus-pass!)
Wednesday 4.1.12:
* Let saucepan boil over (nodded off)
* Toothache caused difficulty in eating, and in an effort to avoid the bad area, bit my lip, that thanks to the Warfarin tablets, took over three hours to stem the flow.
Thursday 5.1.12:
* Woke up with Impetigo spread to the face, could not find my spectacles.
* Went searching upstairs, tripped, and now display two black-eyes.
* Received appointment for QMC, thought it was same date as Dentist appointment, searched for Dentist appointment letter (Had put it all on laptop diary but lost that in glitch weeks ago), couldn't find it, then could not find this mornings letter from QMC. Will have to get neighbour to make call to Dentist to confirm tomorrow by phone.
Friday 6.1.12:
* Went upstairs into the bedroom - waited for ten minutes or so hoping the reason for my visiting the bedroom might return to my befuddled brain - gave up.
* New lump on head, cupboard door no longer fits snuggly.
Saturday 7.1.12:
* Unthinkingly stirred saucepan of vegetables with plastic fork, it melted, I took it out and foolishly tried to straighten the prongs out, them pulled the molten plastic off of my fingers, Germolene utilised again.

More to follow

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Topics: Diary, memories, True, Woe
More by this writer
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Go to top
69 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more