Exclusive by Anastasia Scaffold-Minge, fashion editor for 'Fanny' magazine.
Darlings, I have barely stepped my Jimmy Choo trotters back on British soil after returning from Paris Fashion Week, but I just had to tell you about the stunning, a-ma-zing new winter collection from the Spice-formally-known-as-Posh, aka that jammy, talentless cow
who married a premiership footballer (but you didn't hear that from me) Victoria Beckham.
Taking inspiration from her daily vitamin-packed, morning smoothie of mushy peas, banana and kumquat, her new range is made entirely out of tins of mushy peas.
The line is simply scrumptious, sweeties. I marvelled at her 'little green dress,' with it's low cut neckline and individually, hand sewn peas adorning the bodice.
The gorgeous little pillbox hat - which insiders say is made from a chemically enlarged mushy pea, specially grown for Victoria by Alan Titchmarsh - is a stunner, topped off with a sprig of decorative mint.
Mrs Beckham appeared at the launch show, immaculately dressed as ever in a halterneck kumquat dress (from her upcoming Spring range) She was thrilled with the feedback from her new line.
'Bleeding hell, it's good innit? Even Lindsay Lohan's turned up to cock a snook. I mean, I have worked soooo hard on this line, day in, day out. It's been exhausting having to get out of my chauffeur driven limo, walk a couple of feet over to my 'assistant', peer over her shoulder for five minutes then get back in my limo and rush off to my waxing salon...to pick up David after his 'back, sack and crack.' The work of an international, jetset fashion guru/designer is never done!'
Mrs. Beckham extolled the virtues of her line, though questioned about the practicalities of clothes made from mushy peas.
'Look right, I fink it is a great idea! I mean, plebs are having to tighten their belts with the recession going on and all that, so I have designed a line that not only looks classy and fashionable, but can also be eaten if the 'ousekeepings a bit tight.'
One has to agree with her, fashion fans, and I can tell you that having forgotten my packed lunch on the show day and sneakily half-inched a pair of skinny jeans from her new line backstage, that they are not only yummy looking, but yummy tasting.....ciao ciao darlings!