An unemployed Nottingham man has started a Recycling Plant business - aimed at clearing and easing the congestion, in the Houses Of Parliament.
Nick Roffilia's company is now able to accept the following redundant assets from MPs, for recycling, at a minimum charge;
Compassion: Aimed primarily at the leading Ministers, and the the more nepotistic Conservatives/Coalition members. With so much more unwanted compassion on the Tory side, there will have to be a small extra charge to those MPs.
Honesty: Due to the massive quantities of unwanted, unused Honesty within the ranks of the Members expected to be collected, a lower rate will apply for this.
Decency: Not used in the House's of Parliament, since 1958, we anticipate Decency to be a busy asset for us to recycle.
Morals: These might be hard for the MPs to find, and an explanatory leaflet is available for the MPs to use, in finding this qualities existence, and finally eradicate all traces of the MPs expenses damaging trait.
Compassion: We expect little demand for the recycling of Compassion, as we do not think any MPs will recognise this trait at all.
Back-Hander taking: We cannot see any MP wanting to actually rid themselves of this inbred epidemic trait, but we will still offer the service.
More options will become available soon.