Written by ExiledRoyal

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

image for My husband's a lardy slob Hugh Jass heading for 'Down The Pub'

Dear Bonnie Contention,

I married my husband a year ago and he's become a big, fat, lazy slob.

I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I do all the housework, cook all the meals, organise our holidays and nights out, while he does nothing apart from watch TV and drink with mates. Oh, wait! Maybe that's how it happened! Anyway...

He's put on seventeen stone and the fat bastard blames me for making 'all those home-cooked meals'!

He spends at least seven nights a week down the pub or out for a drink with colleagues after work.

Surely things shouldn't be this depressing after only twelve months? I want to have kids, but I'm seriously worried about doing it with him. I'm only four foot eight and under six stone.

Bonnie says:

I've only got three words of advice for you. Lube, Lube and Lube. Well, that's four but 'and' is a Grammatical conjunction.

Anyway, you'll find a lot less discomfort if you make sure that your pipes are all greased up.

And make sure that when you 'do it' you think of as many attractive people as you can. And try not to hyperventilate.

Hope this helps.

Yours Bonnie.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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