Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness: “Those Pro-Lifers Are Out of Their Damned Minds”
NEW SHEOTH, THE SHIVERING ISLES – Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, invited news reporters from MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, Comedy Central, TBS, HBO, The Onion, and The Spoof to attend a press conference in New Sheoth, Sheogorath's home in the Shivering Isles. According to Tamriel lore, Sheogorath has spent countless millennia interfering with the lives of mortals, with acts ranging from mak...
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Facebook CEO Vladimir Putin Denies Possibility of Russia Using Facebook for Disruptive Activities
MENLO PARK, CA: Facebook CEO Vladimir Putin sternly rejected the possibility of Russian interference using Facebook. Putin sighed, then explained, “You Americans – of which I am one, of course – love to spend every waking hour obsessed with fake news, zombies, and womens' sexuality. In Mother Russia, – which is the enemy of all who live, of course – the citizens are more concerned with how the...
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Why Semi-Honest Golfers Take Spousal Mulligans
BILLINGSGATE POST: One of the most pompous and self-serving bromides of golf''s inner circles: "Harrumph, harrumph! You can tell more about the character of a man by playing a round of golf with him...blah, blah, blah." In a sport so noble in spirit that one is commended for calling a penalty on oneself, Tiger Woods joins ranks with other professional "sportsmen", sexually prolific Rock stars, unc...
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Double Trouble
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. That was several years ago. They haven’t been seen since. Okay, okay, strictly speaking, the twins didn’t go to “fetch a pail of water.” It didn’t happen exactly like the nursery rhyme. But they DID go up a hill and were never seen coming down. That’s a definite. And water played a big, big part in the story of the two missing seventh...
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The Hunt for "Deep Thought"
Joketsuzoku Warriors Splash Trump, McConnell, Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan Water
Man Begs: "Put Me On Paid Administrative Leave, PLEASE"
What Would Trump Do?
Granny Needs A Pussy Pounding
Trump's USA Is Fucked
Wellness Experts Suggest Comparing Yourself To Others
No more taxes: here is how it will work
Who Do The Saudis Think They Are?
If A Future Supreme Court Nominee Wiggles His Penis In A Woman's Face, But Nobody Sees It, Did It Really Happen?
Trump Gives Commencement Address
Trump Wins in Multiple Categories in the 2018 World Polling Results
Wanna Develop a 'New' Hit TV Show?
Here's what you gotta do: 1. Forget about looking at the future or the present. People are interested in THE PAST these days. Look backward not forward and you'll do fine. 2. Remember: Same old, same old. Forget about innovation or being unique. Think reboot and you're sure to succeed. And stay away from Twitter and Facebook. You may say something stupid that will get you fired before yo...
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Benghazi and Brett Kavanaugh
Two-year investigation on Benghazi at the cost of over eight million dollars, but only a four-day investigation on an accused sex offender, perjurer, and drunk who believes he is entitled to a chair on the Supreme Court. Ignore the forty witnesses who could have supported Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony, and give Kavanaugh a chair. A Kavanaugh chair to the Supreme Court is worse than 9/1...
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Google Spying On Its Users
Google is spying on its users and tracking their movements in a secretive way, according to stuff I read on the internet. So that they can feel safe, and to conceal their whereabouts, Google's users are usually advised to turn off their 'Location History', but this has been found to be insufficient, and that Google are still able to track users' locations, unless the user also disables the opti...
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Bill Cosby Is A Victim Of 'The Law' (Or He Might Be, But We'll Never Know For Sure)
Bill Cosby, the black comedian, who was jailed as a result of being found guilty of, is a victim of 'Law', and should be freed immediately. The law, in most countries, decrees that people thought to have broken the law with regard to 'serious crime', should go to prison. This is where the Law makes its biggest mistake. Before we get to that, however, we must first establish that a person...
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Breaking news…
Big Foot Apologizes For California Fires
Big Foot has broken his silence, and apologized for not raking the leaves of the California forests like he was supposed to, which led to all the fires, according to the President.
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Seven day catch up
Check out anything you've missed with the archive:
Longwood High School Welcomes Its New Counselor, Mr. Peter Grabber
Longwood High School is proud to welcome its new School Counselor, Mr. Peter Grabber. Mr. Grabber was recently interviewed and hired by District Principal, Mr. Rod Whitestain, and his Assistant Principal, Ms. Oval Peckertracks. He will be replacing the school's previous counselor, Mr. Bendem Overfast. When asked why he chose 'student counseling' as a career path, Mr. Grabber said he was inspir...
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Petty Criminal? Bearing a Grudge? No Luck With the Ladies? Loser? Why Not Join Isis?
Paid content on behalf of Isis Recruitment Services, bomb crater, Syrian Desert. We know how you feel. You've done time in prison for shoplifting or burglary. You hate your job stacking shelves in Lidl or counting chicken nuggets. You've been thrown out of college for failing your accountancy exam. You're an incel, girls don't want to know you and Pornhub is your only outlet. You spend too much...
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Wanted: Young inexperienced Naïve Fool Java Programmer
San Francisco, CA - Want Add Wanted: young foolish inexperienced Java Programmer willing to work with Eclipse IDE. You’ll be paid handsomely in this position, (bending over or on your knees), enough to share a room with only five other guys, or whatever things they call the natives here. Experienced need not apply. We don’t want anyone smarter than the hiring manager since he is a fr...
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Oswald Shot JFK, Man Walked on Moon and Other Conspiracies
There are a lot of crazy conspiracy theories out there. For example, some people actually believe that JFK was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald. Others think that Neil Armstrong actually walked on the moon. Still others believe that America is still a democracy. Where do these people come up with this stuff? These are just some of the crazy conspiracies that take on a life of their own in internet c...
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I Am Anonymous
I Am Anonymous. The most influential person on the planet! Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I am ubiquitous and omnipresent. I am all-seeing, all-knowing, pre-eminent. There is no topic that I don't know something about, or not willing to be quoted on. I can start wars, topple governments, and bring down presidents. My w...
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Have A Trump-Free Day!
It is time to institute a new holiday into our already heavily-laden days-off agenda. (our brethren government employees always want more excuses for days off !) With the sudden stress that has seized the nerves of our entire nation due to the radical changes in politics these last two years we need a cooling off period, much like what is going on with the Fukishima nuclear reactor that was total...
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The Other, Unofficial and Definitely Un-Presidential Meanings of 'POTUS'.
Our national beloved love of acronyms has brought us a new term for our fearless Führers. The term, which took me a while to understand, as everyone tells you acronyms but doesn't bother to translate them for you, is 'POTUS' - the initials standing for 'President Of The United States'. Due to our present feckless leader, there have come about other definitions of the term as well - some (or most)...
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To Would or Would Not Part 3
......at the end of Part 2! We need you to bring a French underground hero here, just like you wouldn't do in Casablanka." "Now look you my name wouldn't be Rick and I would never be in Casablanca," said Treetrunk. That evening after doing what he said he would not, Treetrunk, Mike Pinch, were on the fishing boat headed out through heavy fog to pick up an unknown French underground hero.
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