Diarrhoea And Sickness - The Benefits

Funny story: Diarrhoea And Sickness - The Benefits

It's happened to all of us at some time or other - a screaming outbreak of diarrhoea and sickness after a seemingly pleasant night out around the town, or, if you're completely out of luck, during one. Terrible, isn't it? Diarrbolical, some might say. But it's not all bab news, and many people fail to recognise the hidden benefits of a bout of d and s. First, for example, there's the oppo...

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The Meddlesome Mensch: A Tech Tale

Funny story: The Meddlesome Mensch: A Tech Tale

My name is Marty, and I have a small family. That’s the way I like it. There’s just me and my twenty-something owner. Yep, I DID say owner. You see, I’m an electronic reader, purchased by my owner (her name is Noreen) and brought home two years ago last week. If you’re one of those folks who think that electronic readers are just dumb machines, think again. Well, maybe some of them are du...

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The Great Tee Shirt Outrage

Okay, this is one of those things that make me an elitist snob. Even so, perhaps you’ll understand my befuddlement and slight consternation. So there was a young lady who seemed nice enough, a little peculiar maybe. But I was cheered to see she was wearing a Bob Marley tee shirt, since I am always glad to see a young person whose taste in music goes back further than Iggy Azalea and Justin Bie...

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How to Properly Comfort Someone Who is Emotionally Devastated

Life can be extremely cruel and unfair. Tragedy, loss, and disaster can strike at any given moment, and difficult circumstances usually come along without warning. Unfortunately, horrible things often happen to good people who are simply trying to make it from one day to the next. People who face these situations often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and unable to cope with life as they struggle...

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How to Survive a Corporate Visit

It always happens when you least expect it. You've gone through most of your life thinking that nothing really bad will ever happen to you, and you've never bothered to ask yourself the question, “What if?” Every time you saw a disaster or some type of horrible tragedy on television, you simply thought, “Hey, that will never happen to me.” Like everybody else, you assume that most problem...

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Men Died After Eating Cabbage

Funny story: Men Died After Eating Cabbage

In two separate incidents, thousands of miles apart, two men died in extraordinarily-similar circumstances yesterday - after consuming cabbage. The men - Thomas Jeffers, 45, of New Jersey, and Nickovitch Kuryakin, 48, from Nizhny Novgorod in Russia - were both healthy, middle-aged men, happily-married with two and seven children respectively, both worked for their respective governments, drank...

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How to Write the Perfect Resume

STEP #1) COMPOSE A COVER LETTER THAT DISPLAYS YOUR INTEREST IN THE POSITION AS WELL AS YOUR PROFESSIONALISM. (Also, do not forget to show all due respect to the Management Office that does the hiring.) Dear Fuckers, I was wiping my ass with a piece of newspaper last night, and I saw that your company currently has a position available for a “Certified Technical Programming Assistant Engine...

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7 Things Your Academic Advisor Will Probably Never Tell You

Do you ever take some time to notice that all of the people who treated you poorly and screwed you over in the past have ended up happy? Do you ever ask yourself how it’s possible that they now have fulfilling careers and lives that are characterized by warmth, affection, purpose, meaning, and unconditional love while you’re still miserable, lonely, and struggling to get through life? Have y...

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Breaking news…

National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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Barwood
Joined: 15 January 2006
Stories Written: 32

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A #MeToo Story by a Mermaid

Funny story: A #MeToo Story by a Mermaid

Being the chair of the local Mermaid Public Relations Committee isn't all it's cracked up to be. Like today, for example, I'd like to be out swimming around in the ocean with the other mermaids. Instead I'm tasked with reading the entries of my fellow mermaids to a short story contest by a local magazine and choosing the ones that will proceed to the next round of the competition. The magazine edi...

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Top Ten Reasons Why Kim Jong Un Desperately Wants to Make a Deal with the U. S.

Funny story: Top Ten Reasons Why Kim Jong Un Desperately Wants to Make a Deal with the U. S.

He needs a decent shampoo, rinse, and cut from Vidal Sassoon. He wants Stormy Daniels’ phone number. He wants to be let loose carte blanche in the M&M anchor store in New York City, ending in a candy bath of M&M Reds. He wants his scientists to examine Nancy Pelosi –it’s an ancient Korean cultural practice dealing with living mummification. He’s out of nuclear warheads anyway, cuz Godz...

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You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Horndog

Funny story: You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Horndog

You ain't nothin' but a horndog Whinin’ all the time You ain't nothin' but a horndog Whinin’ all the time Well, you ain't never told the truth and you ain't no friend of mine Well they said you was high-classed Well, that was just a lie Yeah they said you was high-classed Well, that was just a lie You ain't never said a classy thing and you ain't no friend of mine You ain't nothin'...

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The Son of a Preacher Man (For Donald Trump)

Donald Trump was a preacher’s son And when his wife was givin’ birth And her family gathered round for support That’s when Donald Trump would start to cheatin’ That’s when Donald Trump would start to hittin’ On any porn star he’d see walkin’ Then he’d look into the camera’s eyes Lord, to all our surprise, He’d deny it all. The only one who could reach Evangelicals Was a porn star hornd...

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A Day in the life - Tom from Myspace

Hello, You may remember me. You know you do? Tom? Tom from Myspace? I was your friend. I was everyone's friend on Myspace? Myspace? You must remember Myspace? Before Facebook? Before Selfies? Before Trump? Before Brexit? Before the Kardashians? What is wrong with you? Are you some type of Millenial? No, I was important to Generation X'rs. You don't know what a Generation Xr is? No, well a...

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Endangered Animals: Do They Realise They're Endangered?

Funny story: Endangered Animals: Do They Realise They're Endangered?

The animal kingdom: wild and wonderful, isn't it? Except when you're faced with a hungry tiger after you've strayed off the beaten path a little bit. Not so wonderful then, is it? Let's see you call it 'wonderful' then! But let's just say that we're just talking around the table in your local, out-of-the-way public house on a Sunday afternoon - or an evening - and someone brings up the subject...

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President Trump visits the Kremlin

'Mr Trump? President Putin will see you now.' 'Great, great! This is gonna be beautiful, so beautiful! But hey, guys - you checked this place for those little tiny cameras, hidden mikes, Polonium 210, crazy stuff like that?' 'Yessir, Mr President!' 'Fabulous, just fabulous. Told you we could trust Putin didn't I? Didn't I?' 'Yessir, you did, just before TapeGate.' 'Hey, hey Pompeo -...

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Opinion: Trump V Syria

US windbag and all round walking political piss take, Donald Trump, has defended his “mission accomplished” tweet after it was ridiculed by actual media outlets. The same outlets Donald keeps claiming are fake. It always seems odd to us that a man with no political qualifications sits in a political job and calls qualified individuals “fake”. Anyway we digress.... Of course Donald authorised ai...

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