Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness: “Those Pro-Lifers Are Out of Their Damned Minds”
NEW SHEOTH, THE SHIVERING ISLES – Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, invited news reporters from MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, Comedy Central, TBS, HBO, The Onion, and The Spoof to attend a press conference in New Sheoth, Sheogorath's home in the Shivering Isles. According to Tamriel lore, Sheogorath has spent countless millennia interfering with the lives of mortals, with acts ranging from mak...
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Facebook CEO Vladimir Putin Denies Possibility of Russia Using Facebook for Disruptive Activities
MENLO PARK, CA: Facebook CEO Vladimir Putin sternly rejected the possibility of Russian interference using Facebook. Putin sighed, then explained, “You Americans – of which I am one, of course – love to spend every waking hour obsessed with fake news, zombies, and womens' sexuality. In Mother Russia, – which is the enemy of all who live, of course – the citizens are more concerned with how the...
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Why Semi-Honest Golfers Take Spousal Mulligans
BILLINGSGATE POST: One of the most pompous and self-serving bromides of golf''s inner circles: "Harrumph, harrumph! You can tell more about the character of a man by playing a round of golf with him...blah, blah, blah." In a sport so noble in spirit that one is commended for calling a penalty on oneself, Tiger Woods joins ranks with other professional "sportsmen", sexually prolific Rock stars, unc...
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Double Trouble
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. That was several years ago. They haven’t been seen since. Okay, okay, strictly speaking, the twins didn’t go to “fetch a pail of water.” It didn’t happen exactly like the nursery rhyme. But they DID go up a hill and were never seen coming down. That’s a definite. And water played a big, big part in the story of the two missing seventh...
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No more taxes: here is how it will work
Who Do The Saudis Think They Are?
If A Future Supreme Court Nominee Wiggles His Penis In A Woman's Face, But Nobody Sees It, Did It Really Happen?
It Ain't Alibaba And The Forty Thieves
Slim Everdingle: Sexually Savaged By Three Liberal Swamp Rats.
Did Jesus Wear Socks and Sandals, or Did He Paint His Toenails?
Trump Wins in Multiple Categories in the 2018 World Polling Results
Trump Gives Commencement Address
Trump’s Bad Hair Day
Needed Immediately: Jamal Khashoggi Lookalike
The Day Satan Came to Court
Biofuels Research in Canada
Wanna Develop a 'New' Hit TV Show?
Here's what you gotta do: 1. Forget about looking at the future or the present. People are interested in THE PAST these days. Look backward not forward and you'll do fine. 2. Remember: Same old, same old. Forget about innovation or being unique. Think reboot and you're sure to succeed. And stay away from Twitter and Facebook. You may say something stupid that will get you fired before yo...
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Benghazi and Brett Kavanaugh
Two-year investigation on Benghazi at the cost of over eight million dollars, but only a four-day investigation on an accused sex offender, perjurer, and drunk who believes he is entitled to a chair on the Supreme Court. Ignore the forty witnesses who could have supported Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony, and give Kavanaugh a chair. A Kavanaugh chair to the Supreme Court is worse than 9/1...
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Bill Cosby Is A Victim Of 'The Law' (Or He Might Be, But We'll Never Know For Sure)
Bill Cosby, the black comedian, who was jailed as a result of being found guilty of, is a victim of 'Law', and should be freed immediately. The law, in most countries, decrees that people thought to have broken the law with regard to 'serious crime', should go to prison. This is where the Law makes its biggest mistake. Before we get to that, however, we must first establish that a person...
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Wanted: Young inexperienced Naïve Fool Java Programmer
San Francisco, CA - Want Add Wanted: young foolish inexperienced Java Programmer willing to work with Eclipse IDE. You’ll be paid handsomely in this position, (bending over or on your knees), enough to share a room with only five other guys, or whatever things they call the natives here. Experienced need not apply. We don’t want anyone smarter than the hiring manager since he is a fr...
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Breaking news…
Trump Family Publishes List of Places They Will Build New Trump Hotels
Coincidentally, they are all located in countries with no extradition treaty with the U.S.
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Seven day catch up
Check out anything you've missed with the archive:
I Am Anonymous
I Am Anonymous. The most influential person on the planet! Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I am ubiquitous and omnipresent. I am all-seeing, all-knowing, pre-eminent. There is no topic that I don't know something about, or not willing to be quoted on. I can start wars, topple governments, and bring down presidents. My w...
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To Would or Would Not Part 3
......at the end of Part 2! We need you to bring a French underground hero here, just like you wouldn't do in Casablanka." "Now look you my name wouldn't be Rick and I would never be in Casablanca," said Treetrunk. That evening after doing what he said he would not, Treetrunk, Mike Pinch, were on the fishing boat headed out through heavy fog to pick up an unknown French underground hero.
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The Hunt for "Deep Thought"
This morning before dawn, the doorbell at my home chimed. When I stumbled to the door, no one was there, but an envelope was laying against my door. I took it into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee before opening it, but curiosity reigned supreme. Inside I found the document inserted below on White House letterhead stationery, emblazoned with a watermark spelling out “CONFIDENTIAL” obliquely...
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Granny Needs A Pussy Pounding
Yes, I'm old. Old as dirt. Fortunately, it's still proper etiquette for a woman not to have to reveal her age, so I won't. I will say, I'm old enough to remember when women protested the objectification, suppression, and dominance of men by burning bras in America's streets. I gleefully threw my symbol of male bondage on the burning alter of women's rights. I admit, not much of an offering at the...
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Joketsuzoku Warriors Splash Trump, McConnell, Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan Water
WASHINGTON D.C. - Chaos erupted in the nation's capital as elite members of the Joketsuzoku splashed President Donald Trump, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan water from the cursed springs of Jusenkyo. The Joketsuzoku, a tribe of female warriors embedded deep in the deepest mountainous regions of China, were rumored to have died o...
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What Would Trump Do?
How well do you think you know the Chief Executive, the POTUS, the Leader of the Free World? Take this quiz and find out if you can predict how the President will handle a situation. Anwers at the bottom. 1. A new federal project is opening in Arizona and Trump wants to name it. What name would Trump most likely pick? A. John McCain, Arizona Senator and War Hero B. Barry Goldwater, Old-line...
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Wellness Experts Suggest Comparing Yourself To Others
“Don’t compare yourself to others, it’s not a competition.” For years, these words were considered by many to be a foundation to a better life. However, in a recent nationwide poll, it would appear that we were wrong. Many leading wellness experts have come forward to confirm that not only will comparing yourself to others better your quality of life, but it will also decrease your need for social...
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Trump's USA Is Fucked
The shabby way in which the US Senate dealt with the Brett Kavanaugh inquiry indicates that America is fucked, according to one man speaking from the safety of his bedroom, a long way from the US, this morning. The enquiry - not a criminal one - 'ruled' that Supreme Court nominee Kavanaugh had no case to answer, enabling the Senate members to vote him in, by the slenderest margin possible. M...
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Pac-Man Breaks Fourth Wall to Give Male Players Protips How to Interact with Women Voters
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Comedians Go on Strike
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Trump Takes A Knee To Saudi Arabia
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Children's Storytime: Jamal's Adventure In Turkey
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NASA successfully lands its latest package on Mars
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"Get thee behind me, Stan" and Other Biblical Misconceptions
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Unitarian Hymnbook
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Are Arms Really Necessary?
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A Professor Suffers Collapse— Submission Rejection Delirium
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A Christmas Parody: A Gift for the Madge I.
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“A Mighty Fortress Is Our Trump”
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Semi-Humorous Meetings With Strange Creatures In The Night
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Skank 109! Chapter 3
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Stephen Queen's Rinse Macabre
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New Driving Game Provides Ultimate Challenge For Gamers!
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King Donald Tweets Executive Orders to the Tides
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Gladatootie
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French Literary Flashback
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Trump Being A President Is As Battery Acid Is To Being A Skin Conditioner.
