Diarrhoea And Sickness - The Benefits
It's happened to all of us at some time or other - a screaming outbreak of diarrhoea and sickness after a seemingly pleasant night out around the town, or, if you're completely out of luck, during one. Terrible, isn't it? Diarrbolical, some might say. But it's not all bab news, and many people fail to recognise the hidden benefits of a bout of d and s. First, for example, there's the oppo...
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The Upside to an Empty Fountain Pen
... But I digress. You asked me to tell you about the ink well. I guess if anyone today can tell the story I'm the one. I wasn't here when it was erected, nor here when it disappeared. But for reasons you'll soon hear, the ink well probably means more to me than most anyone else still around. So here's my story about the ink well. The ink "fountain," as some back then called it, was not a fount...
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The Famous And Now Forgotten Word Warrior- The Paperclip Guy!
Do you remember way back in the foggy mist of Internet time the first and most infamous troll of all, the Paperclip Guy? He would always be lurking around the corner of any Word document you were typing; just waiting for his chance to add his two bits about what you were writing, like a Stasi spy eager for a promotion within the ranks. He considered himself the main protector and overseer of...
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Well, I'm sitting here in Gander Newfoundland waiting to take that big jump over the pond!
I'm waiting here in Gander, Newfoundland. That's way up here in Alberta, Canada. Or some such place. Who knows? Who cares? Nope. I already said it - it's in Newfoundland! You knucklehead, think, think think. After flying that old Nissan Sentra down to New Orleans every Friday night after driving all over central Mississippi the same day, it all become a blur. Try working with that on a seven-da...
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Ilsa's One Day Back on Earth
Tom Paine, Parodist, Should Have Written for Spoof
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Lost Star Trek Episode Found - Sulu Socks It To Spock
Captain's Log Stardate 2265 - Sulu Socks It To Spock Captain's Log: Stardate 2265- Captain James T. Kirk speaking- The following disturbing incidents occurred verbatim as I have recorded them here below: At 18:45 and 33 seconds Caldushian time I was approached by Science Officer Spock with a report- Spock: Captain, I wish to discuss with you a disturbing development. Myself: Yes Spo...
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With a Little Help from Putίn
(With apologies to the Beatles, and with sympathy for Melania) What would you do if I screwed a porn star? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your eyes and I’ll tweet something wrong And I’ll try not to lie through my teeth. Oh, I get by with a little help from Putίn Mmm, I can lie with a little help from my friends Mmm, I’m going to try with a little help from Russians...
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A Thanksgiving Editorial: In Praise of the Common Turkey
As just about all educated people know, turkeys are among the smartest animals on the planet, perhaps in the galaxy. If they were mammals instead of birds, they would, in fact, be the smartest animals on the planet. (For some reason, known only to theoretical physicists, bird neural DNA seems to suffer from "leakage," also known as accelerated entropic seasoning syndrome. Because this is a hig...
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A Day in the life - Tom from Myspace
Hello, You may remember me. You know you do? Tom? Tom from Myspace? I was your friend. I was everyone's friend on Myspace? Myspace? You must remember Myspace? Before Facebook? Before Selfies? Before Trump? Before Brexit? Before the Kardashian? What is wrong with you? Are you some type of Millenial? No, I was important to Generation X'rs. You don't what a Generation Xr is? No, well ask you...
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Seven day catch up
Check out anything you've missed with the archive:
Silver Bells and a Derringer
Silver bells at Christmas no longer have that same old ring to them, at least not for me. Especially a set of bells packed with a Derringer. Yep, that's right - a Derringer! The trouble began a month ago when my wife and I had another argument. Once again, she was complaining that I didn't spend enough time with her, give her enough attention, or consider her feelings - yada, yada, yada. She w...
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How to Deprogram A Trump Follower
Current event followers of U.S. news realize that no matter what President Donald Trump does, there is a core following of Trumps that will justify whatever he does. For instance, evangelical ministers excuse his infedelities. What causes this blindness to the truth? Experts are saying that it is akin to a cult following. For instance, what are the signs of cult worship? The first one is us...
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Melania Pens Trump's Resignation Speech
Donald, see my suggested speech below for when you resign. I saw it somewhere and all I had to do was change a few words around. I think it's sounds good: At a moment when it seems that our democracy is more defined by our discord and our dysfunction than by our own values and principles, let me begin by noting the somewhat obvious point that these offices that we hold are not ours indefinite...
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Bitcoin Named Hottest 2017 Christmas Present
Forget cabbage patch dolls, Barbie, hoverboards and Gameboys. The hottest gift for 2017 is Bitcoin. Whether you buy an entire Bitcoin (USD $10,000 at press time) or the smallest of increments, every kid (and adult) wants this exciting stocking stuffer. Bitcoins are purchased on Coinbase, an exchange for cryptocurrency. You can download Coinbase easily on your iPhone, transfer cash by credit...
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Halloween Tech
It's Halloween morning. You're curled up in bed reading a book on your new Kindle. It's light as a feather and holds tons of books. Ah, the new technology. Isn't it wonderful? You get up and head to the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. Eek! There is none. Thank goodness you invested in a "smart" refrigerator, programmed to automatically inventory and re-order some basic items. You g...
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Interview With Xenu
Interviewer: Thank you for consenting to this interview. Xenu: Well, I don’t get a lot of requests, seeing as I’m chained to this mountain and have been for 75 million years or so. Interviewer: Yes, I didn’t want to bring it up unless you did, but apparently you wanted to solve your overpopulation problem and gathered up the excess people, froze them, and put them in a rocket ship that was...
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Kim Jong-Un Will Not Allow North Korea Christmas Unless He Can Be " Christmas Kim"
Pyongang, North Korea In a move which surprised no one, Kim Jong Un announced that there would be no singing or drinking allowed on Christmas Day. There would also be no joy or happiness allowed on December 25. Most of the North Koreans figured it was just business as usual. But they found out how serious it was when new rules were posted: 1. First instance of singing or drinking would be...
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The Door Of Opportunity Hangs On Small Hinges
We live in a world where we always look for the big break, the big show, and the big crowds. Now let me say that bigness isn't wrong, bigness is great. But the amazing thing about life is that big things generally start from small things. Never despise the day of a small beginning. Your life was created from a very small cell. It's amazing to think that an atom can destroy a whole nation, that a l...
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