Diarrhoea And Sickness - The Benefits

Funny story: Diarrhoea And Sickness - The Benefits

It's happened to all of us at some time or other - a screaming outbreak of diarrhoea and sickness after a seemingly pleasant night out around the town, or, if you're completely out of luck, during one. Terrible, isn't it? Diarrbolical, some might say. But it's not all bab news, and many people fail to recognise the hidden benefits of a bout of d and s. First, for example, there's the oppo...

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The Meddlesome Mensch: A Tech Tale

Funny story: The Meddlesome Mensch: A Tech Tale

My name is Marty, and I have a small family. That’s the way I like it. There’s just me and my twenty-something owner. Yep, I DID say owner. You see, I’m an electronic reader, purchased by my owner (her name is Noreen) and brought home two years ago last week. If you’re one of those folks who think that electronic readers are just dumb machines, think again. Well, maybe some of them are du...

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The Great Tee Shirt Outrage

Okay, this is one of those things that make me an elitist snob. Even so, perhaps you’ll understand my befuddlement and slight consternation. So there was a young lady who seemed nice enough, a little peculiar maybe. But I was cheered to see she was wearing a Bob Marley tee shirt, since I am always glad to see a young person whose taste in music goes back further than Iggy Azalea and Justin Bie...

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Well, I'm sitting here in Gander Newfoundland waiting to take that big jump over the pond!

Funny story: Well, I'm sitting here in Gander Newfoundland waiting to take that big jump over the pond!

I'm waiting here in Gander, Newfoundland. That's way up here in Alberta, Canada. Or some such place. Who knows? Who cares? Nope. I already said it - it's in Newfoundland! You knucklehead, think, think think. After flying that old Nissan Sentra down to New Orleans every Friday night after driving all over central Mississippi the same day, it all become a blur. Try working with that on a seven-da...

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How to Properly Comfort Someone Who is Emotionally Devastated

Life can be extremely cruel and unfair. Tragedy, loss, and disaster can strike at any given moment, and difficult circumstances usually come along without warning. Unfortunately, horrible things often happen to good people who are simply trying to make it from one day to the next. People who face these situations often feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and unable to cope with life as they struggle...

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Men Died After Eating Cabbage

Funny story: Men Died After Eating Cabbage

In two separate incidents, thousands of miles apart, two men died in extraordinarily-similar circumstances yesterday - after consuming cabbage. The men - Thomas Jeffers, 45, of New Jersey, and Nickovitch Kuryakin, 48, from Nizhny Novgorod in Russia - were both healthy, middle-aged men, happily-married with two and seven children respectively, both worked for their respective governments, drank...

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How to Survive a Corporate Visit

It always happens when you least expect it. You've gone through most of your life thinking that nothing really bad will ever happen to you, and you've never bothered to ask yourself the question, “What if?” Every time you saw a disaster or some type of horrible tragedy on television, you simply thought, “Hey, that will never happen to me.” Like everybody else, you assume that most problem...

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How to Write the Perfect Resume

STEP #1) COMPOSE A COVER LETTER THAT DISPLAYS YOUR INTEREST IN THE POSITION AS WELL AS YOUR PROFESSIONALISM. (Also, do not forget to show all due respect to the Management Office that does the hiring.) Dear Fuckers, I was wiping my ass with a piece of newspaper last night, and I saw that your company currently has a position available for a “Certified Technical Programming Assistant Engine...

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Breaking news…

Bill Cosby Contacts Kim Kardashian to See if She Can Get Him Pardoned

Kim told Cosby he would have to get in line behind Robert Mueller, Suge Knight, and Jared Folger.
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carina-eta
Joined: 16 February 2007
Stories Written: 279

Seven day catch up

Check out anything you've missed with the archive:

7 Things Your Academic Advisor Will Probably Never Tell You

Do you ever take some time to notice that all of the people who treated you poorly and screwed you over in the past have ended up happy? Do you ever ask yourself how it’s possible that they now have fulfilling careers and lives that are characterized by warmth, affection, purpose, meaning, and unconditional love while you’re still miserable, lonely, and struggling to get through life? Have y...

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A #MeToo Story by a Mermaid

Funny story: A #MeToo Story by a Mermaid

Being the chair of the local Mermaid Public Relations Committee isn't all it's cracked up to be. Like today, for example, I'd like to be out swimming around in the ocean with the other mermaids. Instead I'm tasked with reading the entries of my fellow mermaids to a short story contest by a local magazine and choosing the ones that will proceed to the next round of the competition. The magazine edi...

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Top Ten Reasons Why Kim Jong Un Desperately Wants to Make a Deal with the U. S.

Funny story: Top Ten Reasons Why Kim Jong Un Desperately Wants to Make a Deal with the U. S.

He needs a decent shampoo, rinse, and cut from Vidal Sassoon. He wants Stormy Daniels’ phone number. He wants to be let loose carte blanche in the M&M anchor store in New York City, ending in a candy bath of M&M Reds. He wants his scientists to examine Nancy Pelosi –it’s an ancient Korean cultural practice dealing with living mummification. He’s out of nuclear warheads anyway, cuz Godz...

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Interview With Xenu

Funny story: Interview With Xenu

Interviewer: Thank you for consenting to this interview. Xenu: Well, I don’t get a lot of requests, seeing as I’m chained to this mountain and have been for 75 million years or so. Interviewer: Yes, I didn’t want to bring it up unless you did, but apparently you wanted to solve your overpopulation problem and gathered up the excess people, froze them, and put them in a rocket ship that was...

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You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Horndog

Funny story: You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Horndog

You ain't nothin' but a horndog Whinin’ all the time You ain't nothin' but a horndog Whinin’ all the time Well, you ain't never told the truth and you ain't no friend of mine Well they said you was high-classed Well, that was just a lie Yeah they said you was high-classed Well, that was just a lie You ain't never said a classy thing and you ain't no friend of mine You ain't nothin'...

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Tom Paine, Parodist, Should Have Written for Spoof

It was 1776, the American Revolution was not going well for the colonies, and General Washington needed something to keep up the morale of his unpaid and restless troops. He called on Tom Paine to write something akin to Patrick Henry's "Liberty or Death" speech. But Paine had writer's block and couldn't think of a catchy sentence for the first line in his proposed pamphlet supporting the Revol...

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The Son of a Preacher Man (For Donald Trump)

Donald Trump was a preacher’s son And when his wife was givin’ birth And her family gathered round for support That’s when Donald Trump would start to cheatin’ That’s when Donald Trump would start to hittin’ On any porn star he’d see walkin’ Then he’d look into the camera’s eyes Lord, to all our surprise, He’d deny it all. The only one who could reach Evangelicals Was a porn star hornd...

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A Day in the life - Tom from Myspace

Hello, You may remember me. You know you do? Tom? Tom from Myspace? I was your friend. I was everyone's friend on Myspace? Myspace? You must remember Myspace? Before Facebook? Before Selfies? Before Trump? Before Brexit? Before the Kardashians? What is wrong with you? Are you some type of Millenial? No, I was important to Generation X'rs. You don't know what a Generation Xr is? No, well a...

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