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Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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Paxton Quigley
Paxton Quigley
Joined: 02 June 2012
Stories Written: 88

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Check out anything you've missed with the archive:

NATO Is Shocked And Dismayed By Trump

Funny story: NATO Is Shocked And Dismayed By Trump

NATO members are shocked by Trump’s unfounded criticisms, numbers, and railing. "He is telling falsehoods!" "Making total distortions of nations and history!" "This is outlandish!" Psst, don’t tell anyone: Putin hates NATO, and Trump’s Putin’s boy and Trump is reciting the Putin script. Really? Yeah, well, he’s doing exactly what he did during the presidential election: lies, distortions...

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Colin's Bad Luck With The Ladies

Funny story: Colin's Bad Luck With The Ladies

An Englishman's wedding day was laid to waste when his bride-to-be told him she needed to "pop outside for a cigarette", and was never seen again. Colin 'D' was due to tie the knot at a Registry Office in Bournemouth with his intended, whose name does not matter, so don't ask. The woman got as far as arriving at the office and taking a seat inside, before starting to show signs of extreme an...

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A #MeToo Story by a Mermaid

Funny story: A #MeToo Story by a Mermaid

Being the chair of the local Mermaid Public Relations Committee isn't all it's cracked up to be. Like today, for example, I'd like to be out swimming around in the ocean with the other mermaids. Instead I'm tasked with reading the entries of my fellow mermaids to a short story contest by a local magazine and choosing the ones that will proceed to the next round of the competition. The magazine edi...

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10 Extremely Brutal and Horrifying Things That You Should Never Say on a First Date

WARNING: This article was written by a severely angry, lonely, aging, balding, alcoholic who knows absolutely nothing about dating and who is currently suffering a severe mid-life crisis. It also contains needless and vile descriptions of anal explosions, butt-sex, pre-ejaculatory fluid, and jerking-off. If you consider yourself to be a decent and moral person, you will probably turn your compu...

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Top Ten Reasons Why Kim Jong Un Desperately Wants to Make a Deal with the U. S.

Funny story: Top Ten Reasons Why Kim Jong Un Desperately Wants to Make a Deal with the U. S.

He needs a decent shampoo, rinse, and cut from Vidal Sassoon. He wants Stormy Daniels’ phone number. He wants to be let loose carte blanche in the M&M anchor store in New York City, ending in a candy bath of M&M Reds. He wants his scientists to examine Nancy Pelosi –it’s an ancient Korean cultural practice dealing with living mummification. He’s out of nuclear warheads anyway, cuz Godz...

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President Trump visits the Kremlin

'Mr Trump? President Putin will see you now.' 'Great, great! This is gonna be beautiful, so beautiful! But hey, guys - you checked this place for those little tiny cameras, hidden mikes, Polonium 210, crazy stuff like that?' 'Yessir, Mr President!' 'Fabulous, just fabulous. Told you we could trust Putin didn't I? Didn't I?' 'Yessir, you did, just before TapeGate.' 'Hey, hey Pompeo -...

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Children's Storytime: Sergei And The Drone

Funny story: Children's Storytime: Sergei And The Drone

Hello, children! It's time for a story! Are you ready? If you are, let's start! Once upon a time, there was a man whose name was Sergei Skripal. He lived in a country far away, called Russia. He was a spy. Spies like to find out things. They like to find out about other people's secrets. They like to find out about secrets like what other people are doing, or what the other people are trying...

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It's My Party

Funny story: It's My Party

With apologies to Leslie Gore It's my party and I'll lie if I want to Lie if I want to Lie if I want to You would lie too if it happened to you! Nobody knows where my lawyers have gone But Rudy came just in time. Why won’t he shut the fuck up When he's supposed to be mine? It's my party and I'll lie if I want to Lie if I want to Lie if I want to You would lie too if your wife had...

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