Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness: “Those Pro-Lifers Are Out of Their Damned Minds”
NEW SHEOTH, THE SHIVERING ISLES – Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, invited news reporters from MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, Comedy Central, TBS, HBO, The Onion, and The Spoof to attend a press conference in New Sheoth, Sheogorath's home in the Shivering Isles. According to Tamriel lore, Sheogorath has spent countless millennia interfering with the lives of mortals, with acts ranging from mak...Read full story
Facebook CEO Vladimir Putin Denies Possibility of Russia Using Facebook for Disruptive Activities
MENLO PARK, CA: Facebook CEO Vladimir Putin sternly rejected the possibility of Russian interference using Facebook. Putin sighed, then explained, “You Americans – of which I am one, of course – love to spend every waking hour obsessed with fake news, zombies, and womens' sexuality. In Mother Russia, – which is the enemy of all who live, of course – the citizens are more concerned with how the...Read full story
Why Semi-Honest Golfers Take Spousal Mulligans
BILLINGSGATE POST: One of the most pompous and self-serving bromides of golf''s inner circles: "Harrumph, harrumph! You can tell more about the character of a man by playing a round of golf with him...blah, blah, blah." In a sport so noble in spirit that one is commended for calling a penalty on oneself, Tiger Woods joins ranks with other professional "sportsmen", sexually prolific Rock stars, unc...Read full story
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. That was several years ago. They haven’t been seen since. Okay, okay, strictly speaking, the twins didn’t go to “fetch a pail of water.” It didn’t happen exactly like the nursery rhyme. But they DID go up a hill and were never seen coming down. That’s a definite. And water played a big, big part in the story of the two missing seventh...Read full story
Wanna Develop a 'New' Hit TV Show?
Here's what you gotta do: 1. Forget about looking at the future or the present. People are interested in THE PAST these days. Look backward not forward and you'll do fine. 2. Remember: Same old, same old. Forget about innovation or being unique. Think reboot and you're sure to succeed. And stay away from Twitter and Facebook. You may say something stupid that will get you fired before yo...Read full story
Benghazi and Brett Kavanaugh
Two-year investigation on Benghazi at the cost of over eight million dollars, but only a four-day investigation on an accused sex offender, perjurer, and drunk who believes he is entitled to a chair on the Supreme Court. Ignore the forty witnesses who could have supported Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony, and give Kavanaugh a chair. A Kavanaugh chair to the Supreme Court is worse than 9/1...Read full story
Bill Cosby Is A Victim Of 'The Law' (Or He Might Be, But We'll Never Know For Sure)
Bill Cosby, the black comedian, who was jailed as a result of being found guilty of, is a victim of 'Law', and should be freed immediately. The law, in most countries, decrees that people thought to have broken the law with regard to 'serious crime', should go to prison. This is where the Law makes its biggest mistake. Before we get to that, however, we must first establish that a person...Read full story
Wanted: Young inexperienced Naïve Fool Java Programmer
San Francisco, CA - Want Add Wanted: young foolish inexperienced Java Programmer willing to work with Eclipse IDE. You’ll be paid handsomely in this position, (bending over or on your knees), enough to share a room with only five other guys, or whatever things they call the natives here. Experienced need not apply. We don’t want anyone smarter than the hiring manager since he is a fr...Read full story
The House of Representatives Passes First Bill: Build a Wall......around the Oval Office.
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Joined: 09 July 2009
Stories Written: 57
Joined: 09 July 2009
Stories Written: 57
Petty Criminal? Bearing a Grudge? No Luck With the Ladies? Loser? Why Not Join Isis?
Paid content on behalf of Isis Recruitment Services, bomb crater, Syrian Desert. We know how you feel. You've done time in prison for shoplifting or burglary. You hate your job stacking shelves in Lidl or counting chicken nuggets. You've been thrown out of college for failing your accountancy exam. You're an incel, girls don't want to know you and Pornhub is your only outlet. You spend too much...Read full story
Oswald Shot JFK, Man Walked on Moon and Other Conspiracies
There are a lot of crazy conspiracy theories out there. For example, some people actually believe that JFK was killed by Lee Harvey Oswald. Others think that Neil Armstrong actually walked on the moon. Still others believe that America is still a democracy. Where do these people come up with this stuff? These are just some of the crazy conspiracies that take on a life of their own in internet c...Read full story
I Am Anonymous
I Am Anonymous. The most influential person on the planet! Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I am ubiquitous and omnipresent. I am all-seeing, all-knowing, pre-eminent. There is no topic that I don't know something about, or not willing to be quoted on. I can start wars, topple governments, and bring down presidents. My w...Read full story
To Would or Would Not Part 3
......at the end of Part 2! We need you to bring a French underground hero here, just like you wouldn't do in Casablanka." "Now look you my name wouldn't be Rick and I would never be in Casablanca," said Treetrunk. That evening after doing what he said he would not, Treetrunk, Mike Pinch, were on the fishing boat headed out through heavy fog to pick up an unknown French underground hero.Read full story
The Hunt for "Deep Thought"
This morning before dawn, the doorbell at my home chimed. When I stumbled to the door, no one was there, but an envelope was laying against my door. I took it into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee before opening it, but curiosity reigned supreme. Inside I found the document inserted below on White House letterhead stationery, emblazoned with a watermark spelling out “CONFIDENTIAL” obliquely...Read full story
Granny Needs A Pussy Pounding
Yes, I'm old. Old as dirt. Fortunately, it's still proper etiquette for a woman not to have to reveal her age, so I won't. I will say, I'm old enough to remember when women protested the objectification, suppression, and dominance of men by burning bras in America's streets. I gleefully threw my symbol of male bondage on the burning alter of women's rights. I admit, not much of an offering at the...Read full story
Joketsuzoku Warriors Splash Trump, McConnell, Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan Water
WASHINGTON D.C. - Chaos erupted in the nation's capital as elite members of the Joketsuzoku splashed President Donald Trump, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan water from the cursed springs of Jusenkyo. The Joketsuzoku, a tribe of female warriors embedded deep in the deepest mountainous regions of China, were rumored to have died o...Read full story
What Would Trump Do?
How well do you think you know the Chief Executive, the POTUS, the Leader of the Free World? Take this quiz and find out if you can predict how the President will handle a situation. Anwers at the bottom. 1. A new federal project is opening in Arizona and Trump wants to name it. What name would Trump most likely pick? A. John McCain, Arizona Senator and War Hero B. Barry Goldwater, Old-line...Read full story