The crown forgot its lovelies

Funny story written by Erickson 2

Thursday, 11 February 2021

image for The crown forgot its lovelies
"My little man is sore from rat bites"

A homeless Brit tells his story of being forgotten by the Crown whilst in desperate straits.

Ethan Winer says, "The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA), has picked up dozens of pure-bred Yorkies to live in the royal pound with all the luxuries, but when I asked if I could live with the Royal dogs, I was turned away - God forgive me!"

Winer complains he hasn't washed his tonk in years, causing cats to follow him around town.

The RSPCA is a charity operating in England and Wales that promotes animal welfare. Its patron is Queen Elizabeth II.

Homelessness had become omnipresent in Britain. According to the last Shelter report, at least 320,000 commoners are homeless, almost 5,000 are sleeping rough, and 726 commoners died from crack infections, due to lack of wipes, in England and Wales in 2018 (a 22% rise from 2017). Most of those 726 were street homeless. The crown has not responded to the problem, whilst playing Polo and visiting the Ascot Racecourse, to garnish attention for themselves.

In fact, today the only way you can ignore homelessness in the UK is by averting your eyes like most members of parliament do whilst walking the streets. When, for the first time, statistics were released about the number of Brits who had died homeless, it was incredibly important.

But we did not want these people to remain statistics. We wanted to tell their life stories, look at what went wrong and investigate what could have been done differently by statutory bodies and charities. We have told half a dozen stories so far, with no resolution from gossiper's or self-centered Royal watchers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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