The Revenge of the Elderly

Funny story written by Thelonius

Monday, 18 January 2021

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So now you’re wearing a mask?

In late 2021, as the COVID crisis dies down, a new viral variant develops which is not affected by the vaccine. Statistics soon show it to be incredibly deadly for young people, but so much less so for the elderly that it’s not a danger to them at all.

After more than a year and a half of unrelenting fear and wholesale abandonment, the elderly feel free to go back out into society.

Understandably, they spread their wings. They begin to go on cruises, they travel to Vegas, join walking clubs, infest Bingo Halls, and interact at the old folks homes in the most intimate of manners.

The young folk become frantic as they correctly believe that these activities are increasing the spread of the deadly mutation.

But, given how their lives were respected in the previous year by the youth of the world, the elderly are unmoved.

For example, a large number of them will soon be on their way to a Seniors World Championship Lawn Bowling/Scrabble tournament in London. Over the last few weeks, they have gotten up early as is their wont, and used their landlines to organize. They intend to crowd onto airplanes where they will talk about the weather, suck on hard candies while they write in cursive on the checks they will use to pay for their single glass of wine (unless they have exact change) before their many free cups of tea.

These retirees are making the most of the time they have left. They advise young folks to be more careful this time, so they can do the same.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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