Tory Government Admits It Has Manipulated 'Top Writers Chart' Figures For Years!

Funny story written by Scooter Nairns

Thursday, 8 October 2020

image for Tory Government Admits It Has Manipulated 'Top Writers Chart' Figures For Years!
"We deserve no less than cashew nuts or dry roasted!

Not surprisingly, top writers on have rioted in every city in the UK due to working tirelessly for NO REWARD!

One unnamed author who refused to be named for fear of reprisals has said, "It's a total f*cken shambles. I was pumping out 1000+ hits a day, with some top-notch sh*t. I was sitting quite comfortably at number 5 in the rankings, and I'm now relegated to outside the top 30 due to jiggery-pokery. I should be sitting at the top of the table, yet I feel like I'm being punished because I criticise the government and mediocrity. I'm actually thinking of packing it all in and going back to The Sunday Sport," said Scooter Nairns (oops, sorry - ED).

A government spokesperson would only say, "Hibbedy Dibbedy", which immediately received 15,000 views, and pushed the talentless retard to second in the table behind The Prime Minister, and pushed me down to 35th place.

Site owner and head honcho, Mark Lowton, would only say that the figures were distributed due to a number of factors related to views, talent and ratings. "We give writers fair coverage, but i can't dish out awards left right and centre because I keep them for my favourites." (A typical politicians reply...)

One other contributor to the site has said that the site was a waste of time and effort, stressing that the three-day riots in Leeds and Bradford would only highlight the problems that top writers have on the site.

Monkey Woods said, "Some of the country's top talent are writing 20 hours a day, seven days a week, for peanuts. We're not fighters," he explained. "We're actually the voice of reason, the diplomats - the immortals. But we're not being treated respectfully. I reckon a strike could force the high-heed-yins to start actually paying a decent fee for our troubles. Thousands of people have died due to this quite blatant disrespect for our talents. It'll now be left to the SAS to sort this s(h)ite out..."

Boris Johnson immediately responded, "Credit where credit is due! Scooter Nairns should be the top man. I'd vote for him..."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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