Elephant Rapes Woman In Full View Of Crowd...

Funny story written by Scooter Nairns

Saturday, 19 September 2020

image for Elephant Rapes Woman In Full View Of Crowd...
A pic of the perpetrator. "We won't be taking this type of crime lying down..."

It must be true, scream FIRE! and there's more chance of getting help than if you shout, RAPE!

A lady who had been walking in her local park after lockdown measures were eased in Somerset, got a nasty shock when a big wild elephant jumped on her, knocking her to the ground - and then the wild animal fell on top of her.

The largest living land mammal then decided to stay there for as long as possible.

"I was screaming as loud as I could, but I could hardly breathe. It was frightening, I was really scared. Then I could feel something moving about inside me. I was in a panic, I could see a crowd watching a local cricket match just about 30 metres away - but they never took any notice. I shouted that I was being raped, but no-one came to my rescue. I'm not sure what they could have done anyway.", said the lady, who cannot be named for legal reasons.

The elephant, that had escaped from a local zoo, has allegedly got form for this sort of behaviour. The zoo spokesperson claimed everything was normal that morning, but someone had left the gate open and the elephant just strolled out. "It was near the end of their shift before we noticed the mastadon was missing. The world famous giraffe that also escaped was found lying in a local pub."

The lady continued, "I reckon the Elephas Maximus must have been on top of me for three hours, people kept walking by, but nobody took any notice. It's a disgrace that all these people just ignored the situation. I feel extremely sickened,", said the lady, who was clearly in shock.

The police didn't receive a single phone call. Sergeant Sting said, "It seems to have been quite an horrific attack on the lady. It also seems odd that nobody seen what happened, and could have helped, but I suppose that's what happens when there is an elephant in the womb."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more