Dundonian's Outrage At McDonalds...

Funny story written by Scooter Nairns

Friday, 18 September 2020

image for Dundonian's Outrage At McDonalds...
"They may take our lives, but they'll never take oor Jam Peeces..."

A 95-year-old Dundonian has slammed American company McDonalds for selling 'McJeelyPeeces' in all of it's Scottish outlets.

Peter Levein has vowed he'll take his fight to the highest court in the land, to stop what he sees as blatant commercialism from "A bunch of thieving Yank bastards. It's no wonder they end up in so many wars - they start them!".

(Peter had to be given oxygen at this point but continued.)

"It could threaten the future of 'The Jeely Peece Shop' which has been a thriving eaterie in Dundee for over 100 years. I used to do the deliveries when I was a wee boy. When I was in the Army, wee Agnes McGonagle used to send over a hamper for us, and it kept us alive in the trenches," proclaimed Peter.

"The Jeely Peece is an institution, a tradition of all Scottish folk. It was first devised in the tenements as 'Jeely Bombs', Peeces wrapped up in the loaf paper, then dropped to the group of kids below. If these traditions are stolen by these lowlife scum to make a profit, I fear for the heritage of our proud country. They can stick their McJeelyPeeces up their arse," said a red-faced Peter.

(more oxygen...)

Peter was joined in his fight by celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay who sells a £25 Jeely Piece as a 'Scottish Delicacy' in his New York restaurant. It was 'panned' by the critics who called it 'pretentious' and 'bland', because it contained sesame seeds.

"These American fuckers don't know the first thing about food. They are thick as f*ck. They'd eat a donkey's backside if it was served in a bun. I admire Peter, he has a huge pair of b*llocks, and iId love to come over to Dundee and shake the old codgers hand," raged Ramsay.

The Prime Minister, who has himself confessed to eating Jeely Peeces whilst on a visit to Balmoral last year, said he'd back the McDonalds bid as it's good for transatlantic relations.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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