The Plusses and Minuses of Frozen Carrots

Written by Thelonius

Monday, 30 March 2020

image for The Plusses and Minuses of Frozen Carrots
The better to see you with, my dear

This is a very poor time for a refrigerator to malfunction. You don’t want a tradesperson in your house, when you’re afraid to see your own children. But last week, our refrigerator decided to freeze 10 pounds of carrots rock hard.

At my time of life, I’m increasingly intimidated by carrots, and that sense was only heightened with their being frozen solid.

Given the moment, my wife was determined they would not go to waste. So, in an afternoon of exuberant industry, 10 pounds of carrots were thrust into muffins, spaghetti sauce, carrot soup, and carrot cake, such that, carrots were able to make an appearance at each and every meal for the next few days.

Now that we are at the end of this gesture towards the saving of the world, our skin is bright orange, which a recent poll has determined to be the least-beloved skin color. On the other hand, due to the increased fiber, we have become very, I might delicately say, regular. Maybe "more frequent would be a fitter description. While it’s great that we are more "regular", it’s unfortunate that we’re also able to see it so much better.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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