Self-published author forced to admit whole deal a complete shitshow

Written by Johnny Shlep

Wednesday, 10 July 2019

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A 40-year-old London man has finally conceded that his attempt at becoming an independent, self-published author has been a complete shitshow from start to finish.

Toby Dell, a forklift truck driver from Whitechapel in East London, who writes under the pen name of T S Steinbeck-Hemingway, launched his first novel, 'I Was A Teenage Werewolf In A Dystopian Hinterland With People Chasing After Me' last Tuesday with disappointing results.

"Of course, I realised that being an indie author with delusions of grandeur and nothing at all in the way of talent, wasn't going to be easy," he said last night.

"However, I wasn't prepared for a zero sales return and an Amazon review catalogue full of insults and savage piss-taking.

"It started so promisingly with many of the people I follow on my WordPress blog giving me glowing feedback and firm encouragement to take the next step.

"It's almost as if they were just saying these things in return for reciprocal likes and comments."

A recent study conducted by Balliol College, Oxford, found that over 5 billion people worldwide are now self-published authors with average book sales of 1.12 books per person, producing an income of 0.003p per annum.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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