Written by susan allen-rosario

Tuesday, 9 May 2017


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Who the hell do you think you are anyway? Are you the only one in the world that has places to go people to see, no time for this, no time for that? YOU couldn't be more WRONG, but there's more, so much more…

Tell me mister man, WHY when we had ALL been safely wedged into our airline seats, YOU decided that YOU no longer want to sit next to the burbing, flatulating man eating an onion sandwich?

Did you not even consider that fact that it took nearly 20 minutes to get that old lady in the over head compartment? What were you thinking? We had to fold her up like a piece of bed linen just to get her in there with the luggage.

Yet, YOU can't find a way to make it though a simple 13 hour flight with Mr. Stinky? I didn't smell any garlic in that yard long bistro beast, did you? Dude, get over it.So what if they had to pull you off the plane kicking and screaming, huh? Apparently they tore off one of your ears on the way out of the plane…or so someone said.

They had us looking for something round and flesh colored about the size of two half dollars…could have been an ear OR your balls…don't really know…don't really care…SO MUCH BLOOD. Hey, what are a couple pints of blood amongst friends anyway, right? Thanks, Van Gogh or was that Van Gonad?

YOU gave the hazmat team an opportunity to try out their new eguipment…for 40 minutes… no harm there. What a guy. THEN they had to test the blood to see if it was HIV positive. They let us know that if it was we might want to see our doctor…only due to HIPPA laws they couldn't really tell us that or anything else so we just made up some shit on our own to fill in the blanks.

Need I say more, mother fucker?


While we were all dealing with YOUR mess, the old lady in the over head compartment starting screaming that she had to pee.Unfortunately for her and the woman below her no one had time to help.It was a damn good thing that the flight attendant went over the usual nap time bullshit about the seat cushion/floatation device before this all went down, literally.

Time out playboy. YOU wait,YOU score… one new and improved open seat.

Is there a moral to this story?

No, or maybe but probably not.

The best things come to those who wait or…the games not over until the old lady pees?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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