Written by ExiledRoyal

Sunday, 5 June 2011

image for Jordan to launch own sex-toy brand
The Jordan Clitoral Stretcher

Jordan, aka Katie Price, has already marketed her own clothing brand but the 'Sex-Goddess' (her own assessment) is to go one further by launching Jordan Sex Toys.

She told this reporter, "Well, since everyone's already seen me in action on most good porn sites, I fought (sic) that I'd share my sexiness even more."

Flagship toy is to be the Jordan Drill, a diesel-powered Dildo with multiple attachments. "Leccy ones just don't give you the power," she enthused. "I asked BMW to come up with somefing more powerful and they suggested a Common rail direct fuel injected model, pumping (fnur fnur) out up to 1,800 bar/26,000 psi."

Katie has also been busy shaving her minge. "It's for my Jordan Doll. Real latex, but even more real hair. That growler smells just like my own."

Also included in the range are a series of Sybian Fucking Machines, the largest of which, 'The Jordan Stretcher', is likely to retail for just under £2000. "I tried it myself," says the Plastic Slapper, "but to be honest it didn't even touch the sides for me."

Available now Online and in John Lewis & Marks and Spencers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Jordan, sex toys

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
36 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more