With a beauty product supply shortage gripping the west coast, actor, Tom Selleck has been accused of pilfering large amounts of beauty aids to help him maintain his stunningly unchanged appearance.
A helicopter that looks alarmingly similar to the one featured in magnum P.I. has been identified making daring airlift heists of cosmetic delivery trucks.
A man being described as wearing a ski mask, but sporting an "immaculately groomed mustache" has also been seen landing the helicopter in commercial areas, and stealing Hawaiian shirts from local thrift shops before fleeing in the incredibly stylish, if dated, bladed vehicle. It was the description of the mustache that led investigator's to Mr. Selleck.
The Ventura County Sheriff's office is leading the investigation, but has stated, "There are a lot of guys with nice mustaches these days."
An unnamed cashier at UCLA Thrift Shop stated, "It was either Tom Selleck or his son. Does he have a son?" The source continued, "If it's him, that guy does not age!"
Tom Selleck was unable to be reached for comment, but his representative stated that "It is ludicrous to suggest that Mr. Selleck would reduce himself to petty theft. This is most certainly a case of mistaken identity. Perhaps Mr. Selleck is being set up by "Texas Lightning, or Higgins is playing some foul practical joke again. If you want to know the true secret to his youthful appearance, perhaps you should try some of his famous avocados."
Questioned as to how Mr. Selleck could manage a healthy avocado crop during such an extreme drought, the representative said, "No comment."
