Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 23 September 2018

image for Currency Markets In Turmoil
The Albanian Lek looks fucked

There was an uncomfortable day for many in the Foreign Currency Market yesterday, with many of the world's major players involved in an erratic rollercoaster ride.

The US dollar performed well against Sterling, opening at £0.75 and closing at £0.76, a creditable rise of a penny. It did similarly well againt the Chinese Yuan, going from 0-60mph in 4.8 seconds.

The Greenback did less well against the Austrian Schilling, however, closing at 1.67 schillings. The fact that the Austrian schilling is no longer in use caused a little consternation, but this was forgotten when, late in the day, the dollar broke all records against the Afghan Afghani, whatever that is.

A late slide against the Danish Krone, left the dollar in a precarious situation, however, at 0.064 K to the $, which was only partly remedied when it gained ground on the Bhutanese Ngultrum (BTN), which, quite frankly, sounds 'made-up'.

Elsewhere, in the 'Battle of the Pounds', the British Pound showed a 271% increase on the Egyptian Pound, and a 119% rise on the Syrian Pound. Should these two spectacular gains be added together, it would indicate a 390% improvement against the combined Egyptian and Syrian Pounds, but, I'm told, it doesn't work like that.

In Africa, the Angolan Kwanza met the Congolese Franc head-on, and both equally-matched currencies were wiped out.

In Central America there was no change in the rates of the Panamanian Balboa and the Honduras Lempira, and the two will replay next Tuesday, kick-off 7:30pm.

The Middle East market threatened to spill over into violence, but this was avoided, and the Israeli Shekel and the Saudi Arabian Riyal ended the day as they had begun it, in an uneasy stand-off.

The prize for the funniest currency of the day went to the Costa Rican Colon, for reasons which require no explanation.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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