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Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Roy Turse.

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It's the secret that dentists don't want you to know...

If you clean your teeth they will probably need less dental work.

written by Roy Turse, 05 January 2013

PM Orders New Sex Abuse Probe

His old one has worn out.

written by Roy Turse, 06 November 2012

Starbucks now ask for your name when you order so they can write it on your cup and call it out when it's ready.

When I order my usual Latte I tell the barista my name is Mocha. Mocha Macchiato.

written by Roy Turse, 14 March 2012

Hackers claim to have stolen the details of more than 73,000 subscribers to porn site Digital Playground.

The company says that due to concerns about privacy, no new members are being handled at the present time.

written by Roy Turse, 12 March 2012

UK signs French nuclear concord

"We had no idea they were building one," says David Cameron, "but we were happy to autograph it just the same."

written by Roy Turse, 17 February 2012

For all writers of Valentines Day spoof stories

I know you can't fit a lot of words into the spoof headlines, but I'm not sure that abbreviating Valentines Day to V.D. is working.

written by Roy Turse, 14 February 2012

Web links in Breaking News items may not be such a great idea

Click here to find out why

written by Roy Turse, 13 February 2012

Adele says she thinks Karl Lagerfeld's designs are lovely

But she thinks he's a little too fatuous.

written by Roy Turse, 08 February 2012

Power Balance Bands DO Work

I have one on the wrist of my TV-remote-holding hand and I used it to switch to SKY Sports to watch the Ashes. And England won. Can't argue with that.

written by Roy Turse, 07 January 2011

Power Balance Bands DO Work

They generate positive cosmic forces because the hologram resonates in harmony with the wearer. They are especially good for people with Parkinson's.

written by Roy Turse, 07 January 2011

Power Balance Bands DO Work

The special rubber used in their manufacture gradually releases small amounts of placebo through the skin and into the bloodstream.

written by Roy Turse, 07 January 2011

Power Balance Bands DO Work

So now I don't need my special hat made out of tin foil.

written by Roy Turse, 07 January 2011

Power Balance Bands DO Work

Because they have a hologram. My credit card also has a hologram and this causes my credit limit to increase over time without me having to do anything.

written by Roy Turse, 07 January 2011

Power Balance Bands DO Work

Provided they are the same weight as your wristwatch and you wear them on the other wrist. You are then scientifically proven to be in balance.

written by Roy Turse, 07 January 2011

Fan who entered England dressing room was 'just looking for the toilet'

Where he thought the team had deposited his hopes and dreams

written by Roy Turse, 20 June 2010

Prince Charles upsets President Sarkozy during visit

Throws wreath over statue of Charles de Gaulle and shouts 'Hoopla!'

written by Roy Turse, 18 June 2010

Germany 0-1 Serbia

Germany say it's a shame, but they are saving all their good penalties for after extra time against England.

written by Roy Turse, 18 June 2010

'This isn't the first time New Orleans has survived the British'

It's a humorous new anti-British advertising campaign design to attract British tourists to a city now known as 'the Big grEasy'.

written by Roy Turse, 17 June 2010

AOL sell BEBO to investment firm

They plan to revitalise the original use of BEBO - hiding behind your hands to entertain babies.

written by Roy Turse, 17 June 2010

New World Cup Ambush Marketing Claim

Fifa have confirmed that they have take action against thirty men for unfairly advertising the US Department of Corrections at a match.

written by Roy Turse, 17 June 2010

Capello hammers 'worst ever ball'

It clears the bar, wobbles and veers sharply right before disappearing into Row J.

written by Roy Turse, 17 June 2010

BBC gets 545 vuvuzela complaints

Even after medical staff warned the corporation's women to avoid unprotected intimacy while in South Africa

written by Roy Turse, 15 June 2010

Fifa are due to rule on whether Drogba can play with a protective cast on his broken arm

If so, it opens the way for Gareth Barry to wear a plastic ankle casing, Ledley King to use a composite knee support, and Robert Green to take his white stick onto the pitch.

written by Roy Turse, 14 June 2010

Hey - look out for the Robert Green PC virus

One minute it all works to plan, the next, you can't save anything.

written by Roy Turse, 14 June 2010


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