Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Aspartame Boy.

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New toilet accessory selling like hotcakes

The red plastic sleeve slips over the toilet handle and is emblazoned in white: MAKE THE TOILET BOWL GREAT AGAIN

written by Aspartame Boy, 25 November 2018

@FBI arrests itself

In a bizarre action today, @FBI agents everywhere handcuffed themselves to each other in a move to avoid felony take-downs.

written by Aspartame Boy, 30 January 2018

Berserk AI program in spasmodic thrashing

.. keeps selecting Aspartame Boy as the Featured Writer.

written by Aspartame Boy, 30 October 2017

Scientists say Universe shoudn't exist

The Universe responds: Scientists shouldn't exist.

written by Aspartame Boy, 27 October 2017

Harvey Weinstein ejaculated from Motion Picture Academy

In an emergency meeting of the Motion Pictue Academy, reviewing the sexual antics of Weinstein until, in a crescendo of passion, they ejaculated him all the way to New Jersey, land of the creeps.

written by Aspartame Boy, 15 October 2017

Al Gore warns of a pending eclipse of the Sun by the Eatth

At Midnight

written by Aspartame Boy, 29 September 2017

Goat gives birth to Arab after THIS happens

Due to the flagrantly graphic beastiality photographed in this story, it is suggested you read the entire article at once, unless of course it is censored in your country!

written by Aspartame Boy, 28 July 2017

Saudis threaten to sell Hillary

Hillary owes the Arabs billions since she can't play for the pay.

They want to sell her to ISIS as a white slave but will first invest in massive plastic surgery. Wait, they withdrew the offer.

written by Aspartame Boy, 25 December 2016

Lot lot of AK47's in Detroit

Detroit is about to be recognized as a country by the UN, they have killed so many people.

written by Aspartame Boy, 06 December 2012

Economy boomin in UK

Writers at are paying people to read and rate their pissives five stars!

written by Aspartame Boy, 06 December 2012

Germany taking on the world financial system alone

The guys in white hats report the world is ending this week.

written by Aspartame Boy, 16 August 2012

Obama told he was born in a police car

Sherrif Joe today admitted he was kidding about Obama. "I actually devlivered the little squirt myself in my police car. Mom called 911; we got there nearly in time. The little bastard peed on me."

written by Aspartame Boy, 19 July 2012

Banks to bulldoze Florida to expand Disney

Now that the people have no money left, banks will be bulldozing house to expand playgrounds for the rich. See hour lead story, "How to make your hose 'dozer ready"

written by Aspartame Boy, 10 July 2012

Pope and his big house sold to bail out Italy

The Vatican was sold as reported earlier. Now the Pope is having second thoughts.

written by Aspartame Boy, 25 December 2011

India Inhales Death

INDIA - In the wake of many deaths by methanol in India, the resurgence of aspartame inhalation is rampant.

According to our source, staff doctor, Dr. Whine Galena..

written by Aspartame Boy, 17 December 2011

Germany targets dead beats with V2 Vockets

Pay up or else!

written by Aspartame Boy, 09 December 2011

Headlines from Bilderberg Group

Humans are to animals what weeds are to plants.

written by Aspartame Boy, 05 June 2011

IMF demands Greece pay tribute

"We want all your crack, booze, and especially all your good-looking women. We want them on the dock, dressed in maid uniforms and ready to ship out by noon.", according to the head.

written by Aspartame Boy, 23 May 2011

World's top rapist given time off

to worship the devil!

written by Aspartame Boy, 20 May 2011

Worlds top rapist arrested for vagrancy

vagrancy! After posting three trillion dollars bail! Nobody want's him in their neighborhood!

written by Aspartame Boy, 20 May 2011

Court rules medical marijuana using Arizona surgeon can wear guns

in the operating room, just in case the patient wakes up and tries to steal his stash

written by Aspartame Boy, 20 May 2011

World's top rapist pledges to devote his life

to finding the 'real' rapist if found not guilty. Don't worry. He already has booked tee times for the first month.

written by Aspartame Boy, 20 May 2011

World's number one rapist seduces judge

Convinces her to let him go after tells her "Quel beau c...l !" That plus a million dollars, a five hundred pound ball and chain: as long as he goes back to his cell.

written by Aspartame Boy, 19 May 2011

Hollywood is producing a new movie

Pigs on a plane. The movie will be produced by the IMF.

written by Aspartame Boy, 19 May 2011

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