Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Aspartame Boy.

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USA conversion to a new form of government completed

It is now a Pandemicracy

written by Aspartame Boy, 07 November 2022

Biden completes bicycle ride

Biden completed a bicycle ride around the block without falling at an average speed of 5 miles per hour. Putin sends a congratulatory postcard featuring him on horseback.

written by Aspartame Boy, 27 June 2022

Supreme court ruling creates rioting

It is leaked the the Supreme Court will rule that only bears are allowed unfringed bear arms. Humans may only have human arms.

written by Aspartame Boy, 25 June 2022

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez with COVID-19

She says, “It’s not serious. The virus is just having sex in me.”

written by Aspartame Boy, 10 January 2022

Governments dispensing with lies now offering free bioweopon injections mandatorily


written by Aspartame Boy, 05 January 2022

Biden checks his watch as bodies come home

Like checking a drive-through time per hamburger

written by Aspartame Boy, 31 August 2021

Breaking from the Whitey House

Biden officials weighing shorter timeline for changing his Depends - @thehill

written by Aspartame Boy, 28 August 2021

Aspartame Boy revelation!

Aspartame Boy admits he spends only three minutes writing each story.

And he only uses his thumb holding the phone, while picking his nose with the other hand!

written by Aspartame Boy, 01 August 2020

Inventor of English-to-Python script found

He was found beaten to death by a team of angry Python programmers fearing job loss, snakes protruding from his every orifice.

written by Aspartame Boy, 12 April 2019

New toilet accessory selling like hotcakes

The red plastic sleeve slips over the toilet handle and is emblazoned in white: MAKE THE TOILET BOWL GREAT AGAIN

written by Aspartame Boy, 25 November 2018

@FBI arrests itself

In a bizarre action today, @FBI agents everywhere handcuffed themselves to each other in a move to avoid felony take-downs.

written by Aspartame Boy, 30 January 2018

Berserk AI program in spasmodic thrashing

.. keeps selecting Aspartame Boy as the Featured Writer.

written by Aspartame Boy, 30 October 2017

Scientists say Universe shoudn't exist

The Universe responds: Scientists shouldn't exist.

written by Aspartame Boy, 27 October 2017

Harvey Weinstein ejaculated from Motion Picture Academy

In an emergency meeting of the Motion Pictue Academy, reviewing the sexual antics of Weinstein until, in a crescendo of passion, they ejaculated him all the way to New Jersey, land of the creeps.

written by Aspartame Boy, 15 October 2017

Al Gore warns of a pending eclipse of the Sun by the Eatth

At Midnight

written by Aspartame Boy, 29 September 2017

Goat gives birth to Arab after THIS happens

Due to the flagrantly graphic beastiality photographed in this story, it is suggested you read the entire article at once, unless of course it is censored in your country!

written by Aspartame Boy, 28 July 2017

Saudis threaten to sell Hillary

Hillary owes the Arabs billions since she can't play for the pay.

They want to sell her to ISIS as a white slave but will first invest in massive plastic surgery. Wait, they withdrew the offer.

written by Aspartame Boy, 25 December 2016

Lot lot of AK47's in Detroit

Detroit is about to be recognized as a country by the UN, they have killed so many people.

written by Aspartame Boy, 06 December 2012

Economy boomin in UK

Writers at are paying people to read and rate their pissives five stars!

written by Aspartame Boy, 06 December 2012

Germany taking on the world financial system alone

The guys in white hats report the world is ending this week.

written by Aspartame Boy, 16 August 2012

Obama told he was born in a police car

Sherrif Joe today admitted he was kidding about Obama. "I actually devlivered the little squirt myself in my police car. Mom called 911; we got there nearly in time. The little bastard peed on me."

written by Aspartame Boy, 19 July 2012

Banks to bulldoze Florida to expand Disney

Now that the people have no money left, banks will be bulldozing house to expand playgrounds for the rich. See hour lead story, "How to make your hose 'dozer ready"

written by Aspartame Boy, 10 July 2012

Pope and his big house sold to bail out Italy

The Vatican was sold as reported earlier. Now the Pope is having second thoughts.

written by Aspartame Boy, 25 December 2011

India Inhales Death

INDIA - In the wake of many deaths by methanol in India, the resurgence of aspartame inhalation is rampant.

According to our source, staff doctor, Dr. Whine Galena..

written by Aspartame Boy, 17 December 2011

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