Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Tragic Rabbit.

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BP boss Hayward 'negotiates exit'

BP boss Hayward exits ASAP but upon fleeing down nearby drainpipe finds himself in a very very hot place with poor sanitation and few amenities except embossed welcome card on pillow, signed 'S'.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 25 July 2010

Deadly floods continue across mainland China; guy with really big boat issues tickets

Deadly floods continue across mainland China. Guy in Pingliang City previously considered village idiot now issuing tickets in twos to board really really big boat built with rubbish in his back yard.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 25 July 2010

Missing girl found

Missing girl found after almost 13 years, unable to believe 'Friends' was cancelled.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 25 July 2010

Tipper's comments on marriage to Al Gore censored and labeled unfit for children's ears

Al Gore claims: "after forty years, the 'global warming' tends to a get a bit much - especially when she started getting headaches every single Friday night."

written by Tragic Rabbit, 01 June 2010

The new China

A Chinese university professor has been jailed for three-and-a-half years after organising a swingers' club and holding private orgies at his apartment.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 20 May 2010

Church warns BBC not to cut religion

The Church of England has urged the BBC not to cut any more religious programmes, warning that the Corporation (CoE Ltd) is in danger of losing sight of its customers.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 20 May 2010

Scientists devise algorithm to detect sarcasm

In a related story, TheSpoof.con writers devise algorithm to detect nerdy scientists.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 20 May 2010

Britons 'spend more web time reading news than looking at pornography'

And is that London Bridge for sale again?

written by Tragic Rabbit, 20 May 2010

Dernberg: Germany had a right to sink Lusitania regardless of passengers aboard

In a statement issued early this morning, Bernhard Dernburg claimed that because Lusitania "carried contraband of war" Germany had had a right to destroy her regardless of any passengers aboard.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 20 May 2010

President Barack Obama vows to pursue sanctions against Germany in wake of U-boat sinking of the RMS Lusitania

Sources say President Obama is committed to sanctions against Germany after the torpedoing of RMS Lusitania by SM U-20 off the coast of Ireland yesterday, killing 1,198 of the 1,959 people aboard.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 20 May 2010

GERMANY: White House says sinking of the Lusitania an act of aggression

White House says sinking of RMS Lusitania today by German U-boat SM U-20 an act of aggression; Obama consults with Pentagon on advisability of declaring war on Germany & entering into The Great War.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 20 May 2010

Gulf Oil Disaster Imperils Oil Company Profits; BP Pundits Puzzled

Barbara Schroeder, national profit coordinator for BP, said that the company was investigating the oil spill - now considered to be the worst in history - intensively, but did not have answers yet.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 19 May 2010

Shooting People Taints America's Image

America's habit of invading and then shooting up independent countries, often followed by takeover, profit-mongering & a nice tea, has inexplicably diminished its popularity amoung fellow Earthlings.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 19 May 2010

Full Employment Milestone: 1,000 Americans Dead, 1000 Job Openings in US Military

Keeping America alert & willing to support Gestapo-type legislation requires sacrifice from our brave men & women in uniform. They do not die in vain: each death garners votes & opens up one new job.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 19 May 2010

U.S. Military Milestone: 1,000 Americans Dead, 250 Million To Go

After receiving alarming reports about insufficient war casualties from his top commander in Afghanistan, President Obama ordered 300,000 more troops into the war, most of whom will be dead by summer.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 19 May 2010

Next Step for Gulf Leaking Oil Fiasco: Throw Garbage Down the Hole & Pray

BP to try stopping up spewing hole with used diapers, unrecycled plastics, dead bank cards, golf balls, congressmen and other garbage. Operation to be followed by fervent prayers of BP stockholders.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 15 May 2010

Vote to Limit Debit Card Fees Pisses Off Bank Pirates

US banking industry to adopt the skull-and-crossbones icon for their billion-a-day PR campaign. Bankers revive practices of keel-hauling and walking the plank in anticipation of Senate thumbs-up vote.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 15 May 2010

Spielberg in running to direct Obama administration

After the success of his 2008 Dem Convention film endorsing Obama, Spielberg now tops the list to direct the entire four year administration. Will Smith to play Obama, cute kids copyright Pixar.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 28 August 2008

Putin Channels Krushchev's Ghost

It has been revealed that Vladimir Putin, in a secretly organised seance, made contact with dead Socialist leader Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev. 'Channeling' the Soviet Socialist's spirit, Putin is now making a bid to restore Kremlin supremacy in Russia.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 24 February 2008

Former president Richard Nixon rose from the dead today to challenge McCain: "Even I could beat Obama!"

Former U.S. President Richard Nixon rose from the dead today in bid to challenge likely Republican presidential nominee John McCain, claiming, "Even I could beat Obama!"

written by Tragic Rabbit, 24 February 2008

Cuba names new president: Raul Castro's mechanic's flatmate

Cuba's National Assembly today named Jose Jimenez, Fidel Castro's younger brother's mechanic's flatmate, as the country's new president.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 24 February 2008

John Edwards announces intention to quit presidential race

As few knew the former senator was actually in the race, the news startled campaign flunkies throughout the US. The subsequent rush to obtain information overwhelmed Google, causing a worldwide shutdown - a problem normally only following Rosie O'Donnell sightings.

written by Tragic Rabbit, 30 January 2008

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