Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Monkey Woods.

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Neil Warnock Upset Again

The Cardiff City boss is seething again after it was discovered his name was an anagram of Colin Wanker.

written by Monkey Woods, 27 April 2018

Bureau Forced To Stop Writing Snippets! snippet king, Bureau, has been forced to give up writing the damned things due to 'a bad back'. He told another writer on the site:

"Nobody reads the fucking things anyway!"

written by Monkey Woods, 20 January 2011

Snippet KIng Writes Snippet

A man who, only last week, was proclaimed Snippet King on the satirical news website has, this morning, written a snippet.

written by Monkey Woods, 20 December 2010

Bangkok Man Goes To Bed Early

A Hull man masquerading as an English teacher in Bangkok has gone to bed early tonight, it's been reported, as he has a busy day ahead of him tomorrow.

written by Monkey Woods, 19 August 2010

Netherlands or Holland?

The Netherlands (Holland) will now meet Brasil (Brazil) after they made it through to the last eight of the 2010 World Cup with a goal in each half to beat Slovakia (Czechoslovakia) 3-1.

written by Monkey Woods, 29 June 2010

Fat Ladies Choir Preparing To Sing In West Brom

The West Midlands Fat Ladies Choir was rehearsing feverishly tonight, after relegation-threatened West Bromwich Albion slid to another home defeat, this time 3-1 to Arsenal.

written by Monkey Woods, 04 March 2009

Dismembered Body Latest

The dismembered body of a man found on wasteland in Halesowen on Monday, was said in a police statement today to be "still dead".

written by Monkey Woods, 20 November 2008

Murder Victim In Court Today

John Doe, accused of murdering himself, has appeared at Hull Crown Court today. He remained silent throughout the hearing, his solicitor entering a plea of Not Guilty on his behalf.

written by Monkey Woods, 07 September 2008

Nude Photos Of IN SEINE Circulating Internet

Nude pictures of a baby IN SEINE have been circulating the internet, it has been claimed. Police are investigating, and say they will destroy the offensive material once it is in custody.

written by Monkey Woods, 07 September 2008

Sarah Palin To Sign For Man City

Republican Sarah Palin is the transfer target for Man City's new Arab owners, after they decided to acquire every current 'big name' their money could buy.

written by Monkey Woods, 07 September 2008

Where's Sarah Palin From?

Asked where his Republican running mate, Sarah Palin, hails from, Senator John McCain told journalists:

"I don't know. I'll ask her."

written by Monkey Woods, 03 September 2008

Police Discover Ashes In Fire-ravaged Building

Forensics experts have discovered what they say are "ashes" in the burnt-out shell of a house in Nottingham.

written by Monkey Woods, 30 August 2008

Crop Circles Found In Woman's Hair

A 36-year-old mother-of-two had the shock of her life this morning, when she woke to find crop circles in her hair. Mary Smith's daughter Amy, 4, told her: "Mum, your hair looks daft!"

written by Monkey Woods, 28 August 2008

Sex Is Best For Children

The results of a Government study out today, claim that having sex is the best way of conceiving children.

written by Monkey Woods, 24 August 2008

Beijing Olympics End On High Note

Yes, it's on to London 2012 now, as the 2008 Beijing Olympics ended on a high note today - a G10 sung by Brazilian Discus-thrower Georgia Brown.

written by Monkey Woods, 24 August 2008

New 'Longest Word' Found

Language experts have discovered a new 'longest word'. The word, 'wask'a' is from native South American Quechua, and means 'longest'.

written by Monkey Woods, 23 August 2008

Cristiano Ronaldo Not Injured

Great news for Man Utd fans! Ronaldo managed to stay further-injury-free this weekend, as the Reds don't play Portsmouth until Monday. He won't get hurt then either, as he is already on crutches.

written by Monkey Woods, 23 August 2008

Oldest Living Angolan Dead

Pedro Nbongo, the oldest living Angolan, has been killed in a sub-machine gun ambush accident in the capital, Luanda. He was 38.

written by Monkey Woods, 23 August 2008

National Lottery Double-Rollover

It's a National Lottery Double-Rollover tonight, so don't forget to buy a ticket. This week's winning numbers are: 6, 11, 14, 25, 36 and 50 The Bonus Number is 5.4

written by Monkey Woods, 22 August 2008

Obama Picks Natowsky As VP

Barack Obama tonight selected Sheldon Natowsky as his VP, but Sheldon, who is busy writing spoofs, told him to ***k o*f

written by Monkey Woods, 22 August 2008

Christmas Date For Your Diary!

An emergency meeting of the Cabinet at Whitehall, has this evening decided that, after much soul-searching, Christmas will once again be on December 25th this year.

written by Monkey Woods, 22 August 2008

Glitter Admits Comeback "Unlikely"

Aging paedo Gary Glitter has told police that a comeback involving a new album and a UK-wide tour, are unlikely until at least the year 10,001.

written by Monkey Woods, 22 August 2008

Brown And Blair On Muslim 'Hitlist'

Police investigations involving thousands of officers, have uncovered a deep-seated Muslim resentment of ex-PM Tony Blair and present PM Gordon Brown, and a sinister plot to murder the pair.

written by Monkey Woods, 22 August 2008

Big Brother Housemates In Argument

More BB mayhem tonight as Mo withheld a hamburger, Nicole cried, Rex shouted and Darnell took a bath. Later, Mo apologised. Usual shit.

written by Monkey Woods, 22 August 2008

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