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Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Ana Sian.

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What is a cat hole?

An asshole cat.

written by Ana Sian, 07 June 2022

Will Smith’s New Catchphrase for 2024

Democrats want to use an amended version of Will Smith's wacky catchphrase for their next campaign, for when Trump weasels back towards Washington.

“Keep your Trump out my America!”

written by Ana Sian, 28 May 2022

Will Smith on the Pox

After slapping a monkey (no pun ... fuck it, pun intended), Will Smith said, "Keep your monkey pox out m'mouth!"

written by Ana Sian, 28 May 2022

Will Smith to JK Rowling

Will Smith will soon be bitch-slapping J.K. Rowling, telling her, “Keep your genitals out my mouth!”

Will has a new catchphrase, so he has to use it as much as possible to catch on.

written by Ana Sian, 28 May 2022

Will Smith Heading to Ukraine

Will Smith will soon be heading to Ukraine to bitch-slap Russian soldiers, telling them, “Keep your guns out Ukraine’s mouth!”

Good luck, Mr. Smith – you da man!

written by Ana Sian, 28 May 2022

Will Smith on abortion

Will Smith on abortion: “Keep your fetus out my mouth!”

written by Ana Sian, 28 May 2022

Taiwan has contacted Stephen King ...

Asking if he can put a missile-proof dome over their country.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If the nations of Scandinavia land on Mars ...

The first thing they’d build would be a gorgeous palace for all their gorgeous people. And I’ll be first in line for a ticket.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If Israel lands on Mars ...

The first thing they would build is a house for themselves, then they'd bulldoze the Palestinian house already there while blaming Palestinians for getting themselves bulldozed.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If Saudi Arabia lands on Mars ...

The first thing they would build would be an embassy where they can kill journalists.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If North Korea lands on Mars ...

The first thing they would build would be a statue to whichever dictator was ‘eternal’ at that moment.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If Canada lands on Mars ...

They first thing they would build would be a hockey rink surrounded by maple trees chugging out the syrup.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If France lands on Mars ...

The first thing they would build would be a bordello where they could make sweet sweet love to anything that moved.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If Britain lands on Mars ...

The first thing they would build would be a pub. Rightly so. Cheers!

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If Russia lands on Mars ...

The first thing they would build would be a cruise missile that can hit anywhere on the planet within minutes, even if it means blowing themselves up as well.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If America lands on Mars ...

The first thing they would build would be a gun shop, then act surprised when one of them goes on a mass shooting.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

If China lands on Mars ...

The first thing they would build would be a wall to imprison themselves, plus Tibet, Taiwan, the Uyghur people, and anyone else they 'claim' as their own.

written by Ana Sian, 03 May 2022

Marjorie Taylor Greene is so dumb ...

She can’t recall.

written by Ana Sian, 01 May 2022

Candace Owens is so dumb ...

She thinks Marjorie Taylor Greene is green.

written by Ana Sian, 01 May 2022

Candace Owens is so dumb ... PART 2

She thinks George Washington was the 41st and 43rd Presidents of the U.S.A.

written by Ana Sian, 01 May 2022

Candace Owens is so dumb ... Part 1

She thinks Machiavelli is a type of Italian sports car

written by Ana Sian, 01 May 2022

Amber Heard is On Her Way to the Oscars!

Amber Heard has already been nominated for an Oscar in a new category made just for her: Best Eye Roll in a Courtroom Drama.

written by Ana Sian, 30 April 2022

Matt Gaetz After Retirement from Politics

Matt Gaetz has announced his retirement from politics to rent out his forehead to show movies on at kid’s parties.

written by Ana Sian, 30 April 2022

Ollie North Is Pissed

Oliver North Called Marjorie Taylor Greene to say, “Hey, you stole that ‘I don’t recall’ thing from me! That’s my bit!”

Of course, Marge replied, “I don’t recall.”

written by Ana Sian, 30 April 2022


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