Showing breaking news satire snippets written by antoine.

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Men Killed In Red Square Bar

Two brothers have been executed in a Moscow Pub. The inebriated Rubbertitsovs were shot after singing "Putin lime in de coconut and mix it all together - Putin lime in coconut and drink it all up."

written by antoine, 28 February 2015

Star Wars In Doubt

R2D2 failed an MOT and may be scrapped as filming on Star Wars Vee One-ty One starts. Cast members reported smells emanating from the droid, whose fate may depend on sourcing a catalytic converter.

written by antoine, 26 February 2015

Jihadi John s**t his self

27 year old Mohammed Emwazi, from London, has been admitted to Syria's "Kill the Infidels Clinic" with uncontrollable diarrhoea, following a news bulletin in which he was uncovered as 'Jihadi John'.

written by antoine, 26 February 2015

Jesus! Free Toast !

Two slices of bread have been toasted in Belfast by Anne Tone, which do NOT contain the face of Jesus or anyone famous - however - the crust of one could be easily mistaken for Romilly Week's jaw.

written by antoine, 25 February 2015

Balls tears a new a**hole

Ed Balls really tore George Osborne a new one today in parliament, over HSBC. Balls jiggled around before giving Mr Osborne everything he had. George was covered in embarrassment by home time.

written by antoine, 23 February 2015

BBC apologises for spate of self blinding among pubescent boys

After an expose of a trial NHS programme where blind people feel for growths in breast tissue, the BBC apologised to the many families whose sons blinded themselves in order to get on 'feeler teams'.

written by antoine, 23 February 2015

Oscars are rubbish

2015 Oscars - 'Full of crap' says BBC's Mark Cammode, ironically.

written by antoine, 23 February 2015

Putin admits failings

Vladimir Putin has admitted he's jealous;of Naomi Campbell.
"Her lips are to die for, while mines are like Kermit the frog - I have none. But I will have those lips.. believe me...muwahaaha. I will."

written by antoine, 23 February 2015

Cash for access denial

A press release issued from head office of the company -"Rifkind&Straw Cash for Access Ltd" owned by two former government ministers has denied all knowledge of so-called cash for access allegations.

written by antoine, 23 February 2015

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